NickieP13's blog

Howie Day's Collide.

A sweet song,

Explaining the connection

That two people share.

Describing how one,

Lives for the other,

And how the other

Supports that one.

Opposites attract,

According to

Howie Day,

They do too.

He sings,

"Even the best fall down sometimes,

Even the wrong words seem to rhyme,

Out of the doubt that fills your mind, Read more »

She is... a... superhero.

Like no one Earth has ever seen.

No! You say?

I am wrong?

Let me tell you,

You will see,

That I am right.

She is stronger than superman,

Faster than lightning,

Has a mind sharper than a genius,

And a will more powerful than 40,000.

She knows the meaning of laughter,

Runs to the pain of cries.

She is always there,

No matter the early day,

Or the middle of the night.

But you turn away,

My dear friend,

Exclaiming that I am crazy.

No such person exists in the real world,

These are characteristics of thise that belong in comic books.

Read more »

The history that screams of my past

The times that moved too slowly and the ones that went too fast

It seems as though there are two separate sides,

The good, filled with joy, the bad filled with lies,

The times of happiness I love to remember,

For the cover the pain of the bad that’s as cold as December

And yes, I promise that I know, that I realize

That everyone’s past is sprinkled with lies.

And it’s not the lies that bother me,

It’s the scars buried deeper, that only I can see

It happened so long ago

How could these memories affect me so?

But they don’t just make me sad,

It’s so much more because some memories are just down right bad.

I find that a single word or a quick touch can be too much to bear

For they bring back memories that truly make me scared,

I’m not just describing a “bump in the night,”

I am saying, a true, bone trembling fright.

Now that I am older, seventeen to be exact,

I always thought that I could push these memories back.

But instead I find,

These times, more than ever, are on my mind

Knowing that these things once happened is not what disturbs me,

It’s the affect they have on how I am to be,

The smallest, tiniest of things can trigger an act,

And I am mortified of how my body and mind will involuntarily react,

How do I not know that some simple words will cause me to degrade?

Or that someone’s touch would send me into an upsetting rage? Read more »

How, how could this be?

How could he not see?

He is our king, is he not?

Or, is it true, that he has forgot?

Running away from everything thrown his way,

Will surely be his destruction one day.

All I asked was something so simple, so small,

It wasn't and egregious act at all.

I asked of him, my father, my king,

To do for me, one small thing. 

But oh my dear,

His hearing is nearly gone in both ears!

For he made a mistake of what I asked,

And turned a simple favor into a terrible task. 

And now, our queen is gone, is dead,

Forever, for off went her head.

(Quite literally too,

We decapitated her from infecting us too.)

She was growing sick, rather fast,

And she was due to pass.

Don't take me wrong, I am anything but happy,

The entire mess is rather wacky.

Now you'd think, as our leader,

He would've thought better and therefore saved her.

See mother grew ill,

Nothing could her, no syrup or pill.

But then I met a nice, kind witch,

Who lived past the troll's bridge in a ditch.

She had for me,

A secret, life saving recipe. 

One that could save mum, 

As soon as the process had begun.

It was an interesting farrago,

Tail from a cat, and a troll's toe.

Mis that with ten maple leaves,

And take the honey from some honey bees.

(But, you will see,

The problem lied with them bees.)

Stir in a pot, 

Until it turns quite hot. Read more »

I wake up and find everything where my dreams had placed it. I’ll admit, I am a little shocked, waking up here, in this house, I guess I must be on some sort of leave. But surprisingly, I’m not at all concerned that I look and feel 18 years older than when I went to bed the night before. I stand up and walk to the closet, open it up and there are all my uniforms, pressed, cleaned and ready for the day. The entire collection: dress blues, whites, combat and do forth, all equally spaced on the right side of the closet. On the left, are… men’s suits? I frantically look through the selection of clothing, all men’s. I turn around and look at the bed, no one is there, but both sides of it show that they were slept on last night. Looking at the time, I realize that I am going to be late, so I through on my uniform, quickly French braid my hair and start darting around the small house, looking for whomever it may be that I share a closet with. Sliding into the kitchen, the last of my stops, I see a note pinned on the refrigerator,

“Hey hun,

Had to rush out early for an emergency call,

pile up on the east side of Charleston,

they’re asking all surrounding units to come out.

See you tonight for dinner- eggplant night!

Love you,

James” Read more »

I have to remember that I must take a breath,

I have to remember this accident is not my death.

Just a  bump in the road, though rather huge,

I have to move forward and find again, my internal muse.

Take a deep breath, breathe in and out,

Make it through this and have no doubts.

This times, yells at me to be the last,

But take a look back, and remember the past.

Scan my mind to my first days,

And remember how life never followed the path that was laid.

Fear the arguments that left you hurt.

Hate the words that turned a house into nothing but dirt.

Think of the screams, the fears and the cry,

To the day, that your mother said goodbye.

Drop a single tear, but well thought tear,

To the time you held Grandma so near.

Remember the joy in that last embrace.

And know now that she’s in a better place.

Sink sadly to the  weeks, and how he died,

How cancer took his last breath after so many battles and tries.

Now jump forward to the present, jump forward to right now,

How you have to see him go, but force a smile over your pressing frown.

He’s your best friend, and you have to say bye.

But bye is just for now because time surely does fly.

In his uniform he stands proud and tall.

And you know he’ll never forget you at all.

So look back to all these aches,

Look back and remember how much it takes.

Look back and realize all that you’ve survived. Read more »

The door knocks.

It knocks again.

The dogs bark and both run to the door. Being in a lazy mood, I slowly get up and drag myself to the door to see a man dressed in brown at my door step. I smile politely as I descend the short stair well and thank him after he hands me the small package. Mom's probably. I flip it over. 

I can feel the quizzical look plaster my face.

It is addressed to me.

Quickly, I tear it open to find bubble wrap. I carefully pull out the object to reveal a 4 by 6 photo frame with a card taped to it. Unknowing of whom this package is from, I open the card and read, not even having seen the picture yet. Read more »

Freedom.

Finally.

Faster, run faster, you must tell him soon.

Tell him of the freedom,

Tell him of the prayer that was answered for you.

Tell him that you love him.

Enjoy.

Embrace.

Escape from your past and let the fresh air fill your enthusiastic lungs.

Bliss.

Sink into the happiness of knowing that the past is over and let that happiness carry your body.

Let the joy penetrate every vain in your body.

Let the overwhelming glee move your feet faster, faster.

Celebrate.

Rejoice.

Join together to acknowledge the past.

But gather to recognize the future with open arms.

Gone.

Forever.

The history you once lived is over.

It flies backwards in time, just like your scarf flies behind your long hair;

Always with you, but never attached; your history, your beautiful scarf are just luggage in your life.

It’s over.

The pain of being enslaved still lies within you.

He waits for you though.

That thought of such joy, keeps the pain at bay and overcomes the accompanying sorrows.

The sun is setting.

The light is still present, still shinning on the Earth you tread on.

It guides you forward.

You are chasing the sunset because it leads to him.

No longer must you be subject to unreasonable rule.

No longer must you kneel before harsh demands that tear at your innocent soul. Read more »

The three tacky cats commenced to take the test but the three tiny camels sat close to the test. They threw the tests to the cat box behind the table. The three tacky cats couldn't take the test but they tried to take the tests back from the cat box that the camels threw. The test that the tacky cats took talked about the thirty turntables that the bothersome brother bought. The bothersome brother taught the three tacky cats but continually contained the three tiny camels to the tiny-er bedroom behind the castle that boarded three billion cold-contagious crocodiles that concluded their car trips by taking to their theatre to converse about the terrible act that the bothersome, babbling brother committed. The result threw the three tacky cats to the cat box that the camels threw the turn table test to. The cats tried to desert the terrible cat box that smelt comparable to sauerkraut but didn’t breakaway from their cage. They then climbed the tallest tower to beat the three billion cold-contagious crocodiles. But the three billion cold-contagious crocodiles turned to bumbling bumblebees that turned to conclude that the three tiny camels wouldn’t take the test that the tacky cats took. The test wasn’t the textbook taking bakery tests, but the three tacky cats took baking cupcakes to the three tiny camels. The three tiny camels turned the cupcakes to cakes to take to the three billion cold-contagious crocodiles. The three billion cold-contagious crocodiles turned the cupcake turned cakes to cabbage to the terrible bear. 

Three years ago today,

Three years ago I lost you.

Your smile, your laugh, your eyes,

Disappeared three years ago.

Three years ago you took your last breath,

Three years ago you closed your eyes forever.

You journeyed into a peaceful sleep,

That started three years ago.

Twelve years ago the tow of you,

Twelve years ago together.

You took she and I as your own,

You stated yourselves guardians twelve years ago.

Ten years ago we made it official,

Ten years ago I legally became yours. Read more »

“Remember, remember always, that all of us, and you and I especially, are descended from immigrants and revolutionists.”

Franklin D. Roosevelt

America. The fundamentals set over 200 years ago by a few brave men.

Chances. Opportunities that the land of the free offers to those less forturnate.

Second Chances. No one is perfect and that after learning their lesson once, they have a chance to leave bars and breathe clean air again.

Opportunity. Every can move forward onto a job of their own choice, regardless of their history.

Family. Everyone has the right to have family and friends to share what their hearts were made to do; love.

Freedom. No one person's life should be lived under a shadow. Read more »

It seems as though the greatest acts of kindness are the ones you don’t know.

They are not a grand spectacle; they do not put on a flamboyant show.

These acts of kindness are maybe small in size.

But the care they show is the true, hidden prize.

Looking back, on my however short, life,

There is one instance that cuts through the, all, sharp like a knife.

It was a late spring day,

That one of my best friends changed my ways.

I was scared, trembling with fear

For what lie in the future so near.

But for those split few seconds he held me close

And of all the times I had ever felt safe, this out beat most.

This one hug, this one embrace,

Stopped my world; even time no longer had a pace.

Because despite the fear approaching me fast,

He held me tighter, while a few moments passed.

He had not a care for what could happen to him,

He held his best friend close and didn’t let the evil ahead win.

In that moment, my best friend became so much more.

He became a protector, a brother, my hero.

He defied the adults that tried to stop me,

He defied all they were trying to make me be.

A hug, a small simple hug,

Is the biggest act of kindness I have known of.

Out of all the ideas,

The endless concepts,

The many rules I’ve been told,

There is one thing,

That I wish I knew,

Even at five years old.

A simple idea,

Of really living, of really loving,

Like there was no tomorrow.

I wish I knew to embrace all the joys,

All the pleasures,

Instead of worry and regret about the sorrows.

Really living life,

Really loving life,

As if I were to suddenly die.

To pay mind to the small details,

The details that count,

Instead of letting them wash by.

Maybe then, if I knew,

I would’ve been gifted

With a few more protective hugs.

I would still remember,

Her curly hair, her little walk,

And the following tugs.

I could still laugh

As I re-heard

All the corny jokes he would say.

And remember, better,

The important things

He did every day.

If I had,

Known what to really live, to really love,

Actually meant.

Perhaps, so quickly,

The good ones

I would have not spent.

The ones, who for me, they really loved,

The ones, who for me, they really laughed,

The ones, who for me, they really cared,

A few pieces

Of my fragile heart,

May have been spared.

Instead of throwing,

All the good things,

I ever had away,

If I had known,

To really live, to really love, Read more »

"Hey,
Boss, it’s me, Mike. I can't come into work today."

"Well, why not? You said you should feel
better by today. You got your flu shot Monday, today is Friday."

"I know, but see, there is this thing.
You know."

"What thing?"

I sat there, with my boss on the phone,
debating all the different things I could tell him. Terrorist aliens blew up my
car and turned it into a radioactive spider. No that was too extreme. Could I
tell him that unicorns charging out of the woods and held me hostage until I
told them how long until trees would start to sing. No, he wasn't a believer in
fairytales. Oh! I got it! I was out at my pool and noticed a strange purple
liquid that was sparkling. When I reached down to touch it, it turned into a
pod of mermaids that viciously started to attack me. But I defended myself with
the pool cleaning net. That wouldn't do either. As I was lost in the millions
of different excuses I could tell, I heard my boss at the other end of the
phone line, Read more »

If only you had given me one
more hug,

If only you had smiled a little bit.

If only you had been aware,

If only you had given me one more kiss.

If only you had seen the horror,

If only you had noticed the pain.

If only you had shut the door on him,

If only things would have never been the same.

What if all of that happened?

What if they never came to take me?

What if we had moved again? 

What if, the terrors, they didn't see?

Would it have mattered?

Would the time you had been long?

Would you still have me now?

Or would it be as is, with me gone? Read more »

You were ideal.

You cared like no one else I knew.

You loved like no one else can.

Judgment only came with a reason,

And reason always had a purpose.

You were perfectly imperfect.

Because no matter how many times

You laughed at your own corny jokes,

You were just trying to make someone smile.

Your hugs were understanding.

With your warm embrace,

You could comfort my worst nightmares.

Your smile was mesmerizing,

Every crease that surrounded it was proof

Of years of laughter that you shared with so many.

You were so forgiving.

For how many can say that they have loved

All six of their kids?

Despite the fact that we all had a different set of parents?

Three of them,

Biologically yours.

The other three of us,

Adopted.

You took us in,

Regardless of our histories.

You loved us knowing that someone else

Saw us first,

Held us first

And named us.

But to it didn't matter,

You loved us anyways.

Your never ending attempts to be the best father ever Read more »

You stroll down the hallway,

Your "friends" close behind.

Everyone just stares at you

And admires you all the time.

It seems as though

Everything revolves around you.

For how could it not?

You're smart and beautiful too.

Light radiates from you

And your flawless face,

As if the sun just follows you,

From place to place.

So kind you may seem,

And also so bright.

But there is a side to you Read more »

Small, empty, black

His eyes pierce you like one thousand needles, digging under your skin.

They speak of no happiness.

They speak of no joy.

They mumble emptiness, aloneness, helplessness.

They scream of hunger and pain.

They yell of sorrow.

A cloth for a shirt.

Worn, tattered, ripped, dirty,

Just like his face. 

With high cheek-bones sticking out from saddened, hungry flesh.

Just like his house,

With nails striving to hang onto the board they support.

Just like his life.

With sorrows and its tears large enough to create a river.

But the rivers run dry.

And so do his tears.

There is no energy for tears, only the bare strength from a piece of bread to stay alive.

Life.

There is no more life anymore.

Just people whose words mean the same thing.

Whose broken, abused bodies vocalize the same thing.

Their eyes, his eyes, take in everything.

And project emptiness.

Their bodies, his body, take in little grain.

And give no strength.

Their faces, his face, all sharp from loss.

All sunken with depression.

  Read more »

To the
Unknown,

I know it may seem pointless to be writing this now, so many years later. You can't read this, you can't hold this but I know someday, I'll speak this letter to you. I need you know just how much you've done. Even though I can't tell you how long ago it happened, where it happed or how it happened, today, in my life, I can tell you how much it means to me and everyone else who stands in the shadow of a history that created us. Your unselfishness, your sacrifice, your will to give up everything, pushes me forward. The idea that you could stop your life, to move away from the ones you loved, with a small hope of returning home reminds me that the stuff I deal with is just stuff, petty complaints compared to your life that you never drop your head to, but rather, you stand tall, proud and ready to march forward into a world unknown to you.  Read more »

We look down and take The Descent towards the empty pit in the ground. Silence, Dead Silence, encased us, surrounded us. What we intended to be an underground journey to find a trail to The House at the End of the Street quickly became a Hostile situation when it felt like the world above us was watching us, the sky, the mountains, The Hills Have Eyes. It felt like 28 Days Later when we had taken A Wrong Turn. At the end of the tunnel was The Shinning rock that would lead us to safety. And when we took The Exit out of the tunnel, it turned out that we found a passage to A Cabin in the Woods. 

My heart goes from a slow steady pace to a bolting, racing speed. I open my mouth to say something, to fight back, but nothing. Nothing can be heard over the noise. Young, worried, alone, I covered my ears. My heart goes faster, any faster, it might rip apart.

            I look over there, towards him, the lights, blinding. I close them. Alone. I don’t, I can’t see anyone, even in my own head. I see nothing. Pain beings to pound through my heart, through my ribs, through my chest. It explodes, my heart, with a searing pain all over my body.

            I wrap my arms around me, to comfort me, to lessen the pain, but the noise sinks into my ears, blaring into my ear drums. I close my eyes to fight back the noise and fight back the sound, but another wave of pain hits me, the pain of being completely alone. I see him, barely, behind the lights, behind the noise, ignorant to my pain.  

            My head pounds with every second, growing more and more tired from the pain. I fall, my body, too weak to hold me up anymore. I lie on the ground, hands over my ears, eyes shut, rolling, to rock myself to some comfort. But in this open space, with so many others, I feel so empty, so alone. My heart aches and no longer battles the pain. Read more »

I looked at the distance,
Past the person in front of me.
Then I took off running,
As fast I could to the rolling sea.
I stared beyond the waves,
I stared beyond the sun.
I just stood and stared, Read more »

Throughout my life, I have always been changing; changing my attitude, changing my home, I have even changed families. And during these times, I have needed someone to comfort me, to help me and to guide me. Friends, parents, even inanimate objects such as a pillow have all comforted me through my very lowest points. Read more »

Throughout my life, I have always been changing; changing my attitude, changing my home, I have even changed families. And during these times, I have needed someone to comfort me, to help me and to guide me. Friends, parents, even inanimate objects such as a pillow have all comforted me through my very lowest points. Read more »