Have you ever felt like this,
Like I do?
Have you ever had to press your hand
To your chest,
To feel your pulse? To make sure
You are still living?
Have you ever made a promise to
Your own skin.
I won't break you, not today.
Have you ever drawn a map to
In your head, followed it with your Heart until it fell away
And now you are lost on your way to nothing.
Ever seen the inside of your head Read more »
We whisper in the quiet,
a word of our own in the crevices
Of skin and tone and melody.
We make music with our tongues
let the vibrations linger in our ears.
You understand me like no one else,
In a world where
A growl in your throat
The whoosh of your breath
The clicking of your lips
Mean 'I love you'.
I almost called you last night.
It was late.
I was trapped in memory again-
a bird in a cage with the door open
but no way out.
I remembered the tents we build out of draped
spark of your laugh in my ear in bed in the early
no one was awake to end our game.
I almost called you last night,
but I know my voice would crack,
knew the tears would jumble my eloquence.
Perhaps you truly do not understand the reason for my deep-rooted anger toward you. I cannot imagine you are as innocent as this, considering the pain you have caused me. But if you are so naive, I give you an explanation now. Read more »
We were a fragment of time. A glimpse into worlds unknown. There was no breath, no skin. A time when we were one, when we did not need air, we breathed only the essence of one another.
But that was long ago. Ages ago, and now all I see is ice, lashes caked in crystals. I am blind but for white, lulling me to sleep after centuries of waking. I am growing colder, the frost becoming my blood. Insides congealing and stiffening until there is no trace of warmth, no trace of life within me. Read more »
*Credit to Geof Hewitt, for use of a line from one of his poems to help get me going*
They write beautiful things
They, who look back in rearview mirrors stained with soot
and see their lovers standing alone.
I am that loner
in the midst of deep-burning fire.
You say love is beautiful
but I cannot see it's delicate fronds beyond the scorched
circle of my psyche.
Blinded by love.
Blinded of love.
I have a broken heart
a broken mind
a broken soul
a broken will to love,
if any at all.
My dignity is the fleeting spray of snow
that disappear into green grass lawn in October.
My God, I wish for snow.
I gave away all I had
and now I am a ghost, a skeleton,
incapable of anything.
Trick or treat?
Death is like my god,
salty and ever present.
But I won't give myself to him -
not for you.
I don't need you to survive today.
who used to be my food and drink,
I don't need you to live here,
for I have the fog in the morning
and the grasses in the spring.
I don't need you to breathe
like I used to,
my oxygen in your skin.
I breathe my own air, now.
I don't need you to survive,
but I invite you to stay.
Will you love me still?
In my dreams
you still disappear.
Out of my grasp
and you won't come closer.
Your wide eyes staring at me
urging me to touch you.
And I beg you, on my knees pleading
for just one step in my direction.
Just one step,
and I can let my fingers brush your sleeve,
perhaps even your skin.
Oh, that silky white skin,
I grow weary with its closeness.
You are taunting me;
I am right here, love,
can't you see?
Mocking me. Read more »
Look at me.
Remember my perfume.
Her voice like glass
Dance upon a star
Laugh at the morning breeze
"I've lived here my whole life
and the cold still shocks me."
whistling steam from his lips.
"It looks like snow."
She was a ghost in the grey light,
her ruddy cheeks roses against
"Why can't we leave this place?"
"The snow is like photograph of a place you used to know.
It makes you cry,
but you just can't leave it behind."
"I can't imagine life without it." Read more »
She fascinates me,
She is so sad,
and I see myself in her.
She bears her wounds
and lets the world fill her
Bacteria coating her, she breaths
it all in
and it makes her gaunt,
killing her from the inside.
She gives in to her temptations.
Yes, starve yourself.
Yes, drink it all away.
Yes, let your thoughts take hold.
Good mourning beautiful,
It's best you stay in bed.
Perhaps you can't remember,
but another dream is dead.
You are an excellent killer, my dear
but we won't speak such things.
For now it's best you sleep eternal,
so you can't feel the sting.
And I will watch you dream so soft
and ponder all the while,
How such a lovely, lovely girl
could kill her own sweet smile.
A reminder of you
Broke the sky above my head today.
Broke it in two
And let the pieces rain down
So I could catch them in my fingers.
Geese, an arrow piercing the flesh of Heaven
poured the sweet air of immortality upon me.
I live forever because of you,
Forever in your heart.
I get angry like my mother.
Quiet, tip-toeing anger,
grim and emotionless.
A reflection of a woman, a mirage
but not quite real.
I smile like my father
and I get angry like my mother,
But the tears I cry are my own.
God only knows why I love you,
but I truly do.
You make my mind race,
have from the beginning,
with worries mundance and painfully extreme.
And yet it is you who I seek
to cure my hyperactive mind.
You insult me, you chide, smirk,
and I remember it months later, laying in bed alone.
And yet, I allow you to heal my wounds.
You hurt me,
you anger me,
you make me weep.
You kill me dead.
But you are the only one who can cure me, Read more »
You can see it in the images hanging on the walls. It is hidden, covered with layers of thick fabric, with intricate spider webs of lies. Sticky, like the wads of bloodied tissues saved from the trash can until late at night, when the sky is black and the world is silent and the hate is the strongest. You can see it in his eyes, but only if you look past carefully crafted red-orange foliage and the strong white teeth, the thick shade of blonde hair obscuring a broad forehead. You can see his prayers there, his pleas, kneeling among faux autumnal background. Read more »
the clock's second hand.
Secondhand like smoke
on a winter morning from a necessary cigarette,
and you are shivering
and watch the ashes fall.
Falling like the leaves
on the trees here.
The scent of summer growing older,
like the anecdotes it's told a thousand times.
A thousand and one.
One moment and we can disappear;
and would it look beautiful,
a ball of fire hurtling toward Earth?
A poem to tell the tale,
scribbled in a moment before
the flames turned us to dust.
Dusting the pictures frames on the mantel,
there is a child with somber eyes Read more »
Deep down there is Love,
hiding in your stomach, curled among your thighs.
Deep within the muscle,
its eyes fluttering in a dream-sleep-dream world
of make believe.
You've lived without it for some time now,
you've given all the extra Love away,
saved none for yourself
and you can feel it.
Can feel it in the mirror
when the world seems to small for anything real.
Can feel it in your empty hands
when you yearn to share your warmth.
Can feel it in a bird's love song,
Why can't anyone sing just for you?
And you try to cry it out, Read more »
I memorize the landscape of your skin.
A minute wrinkle behind your ear,
a line of freckles like soldiers,
crossing the bridge of your nose.
Your hand shifts as you dream,
and I fold my own into yours, fitting the crevices of our palms
Melding skin and we are one.
Your eyes flit open as I whisper in your ear,
the gentlest voice.
My heart stands still when I see your eyes again,
blue like a forget-me-not,
and I never will forget.
How could I doubt
the touch of your hand on my back, my neck?
How could I doubt you
I'll miss the world when I am gone.
But I imagine how beautiful it will look
as I fly amongst the clouds,
a life only I have seen,
as it flashes before my eyes
and then the softness of the air
will envelope me tight.
Embraced by heaven as I leave everything behind.
And I stand here and see the milling beings
like ants below my feet.
"Come on down, love, there is so much more
to life." Read more »
You were covered with dust when I found you.
Hidden away in the corner,
but I saved you.
Your skin was turning grey,
but I could see the rouge beneath,
painted on long ago.
And I imagined you shivering through the winters,
left without even a blanket
to soothe you in your lonely years.
beautiful but locked away.
How does it feel to be set free?
It is dangerous to love like this.
At any moment
you could escape
from the tower in which I have locked you.
And I would sit there in the evenings,
as I always had,
how you could leave so suddenly.
But for now
I hold key
on a chain 'round my neck.
And you sleep safe beside me in our tower,
and you dream only of sweet things.
My darling, don't contemplate that open window,
don't dream of worlds outside.
Stay in the tower in my heart,
enveloped in my dangerous love.
as I could not bear a world,
where I couldn't call you mine.
I remember that night.
You told me that you'd given up.
And you weren't lying.
Because I knew there was another girl
for you, out there.
A happy girl,
who could trust.
Who could love you.
Who never worried, and maybe even
kissed better than me.
I would've given up
You gave me your worries.
But I hide them like
you never could.
My panic attacks happen
when no one can hear my wheezing,
choking on sobs and fear.
I wonder if you drove them all away
too. If you never let them in
it meant they'd have to know.
No one knows
And did they tell you
you were over-reacting?
And you were the cause of the force
pulling everything apart?
And did you cherish
those that loved you - almost?
They were your back-up plan;
called in when you tore the real love
Do you wear the mask
that I wear? Read more »
And aren't we all desperate
for a savior on that long stretch of road?
And when you see me through the panes,
smudged with fingertips and smoke,
will I look beautiful to you?
Perhaps I am more in tune here,
when I am alone,
trying and trying to call you on the phone,
but you can't hear it ringing.
Maybe I'll just stay here for the night,
wait it out,
call you when you want to listen again.
When it isn't so dark,
and I am not so lonely.
Tonight I'll be a Phone Booth girl.
Won't be afraid of the dark,
not, not here,
behind these glass walls. Read more »
Can you promise me
Your sacred skin?
The sounds of your chest,
Can you promise me
in your hair?
The red in your cheek,
snowflakes in your lashes?
Can you promise me
the ground we've walked?
The taste of ocean in your breath?
The sun that lingers in your eye?
Let me see my world,
promise me your love.
I picture you
in places that I've never seen,
and will never see.
They burrow behind my eyes
and I dream of them.
And you are there.
You guide me.
I cry there,
because no one can see me.
And that is how I like it.
And you don't think I am cold,
hard, made of stone
I am still young and fresh there,
in this place I'll never see.