Feb 06

Moonlight

The moon is bright tonight.

It shines with the light of a thousand souls, long since risen, lighting the path for those they left behind. Rays fall on the grass, the trees, the graves built in their memory. My face is alight, my eyes taking in the wonder of a world transformed by the fall of the sun.

It is darker, for sure, and yet somehow I see clearer than ever. The shadows hide me, and yet I am exposed. I stand in a graveyard, and yet I feel, I see the vein of life running all around me. I am alone, and yet they surround me.

I know they whisper to each other - I've heard their thoughts, their pleas. Tonight, though, I hear nothing. They hide from me, conceal their thoughts. Why? Have I changed that much since I last came here? Do they think this time, I come to harm their memory like so many others have done before? After all these years, have I lost their trust?

Or maybe this time, they know I shall soon join them.
Oct 25

Breath

Stuck in a classroom for two hours
As the police combed the school
From head to toe
Rumors flying
No one knew for sure
What was true
And what wasn't

My breath came quickly
Shakily
Fearful
Of what they might find
And if we were safe

Running in the pouring rain
As our sneakers filled with water
Soaked from head to toe
Bodies flying
Through the rain
As we pushed forward
Though the pain

My breath came quickly
Shakily
Aching
With the strain
Of running on

Dancing in the cafeteria
As the judges watched
Sweating from head to toe
Limbs flying
With the music
Synchonized
In our movements

My breath came quickly
Shakily
Heavy
As we tired from the day
And the dancing

But at the end of the day
When I was exhausted
And beaten down
You smiled at me
Oct 06

how to part the clouds

Oct 02

A Letter To Evasive Sleep

Hello dear one,

I miss you so much. I want to hold you once more, to wrap myself in your arms and give in to your love again. I want to go back to the days of hours spent together, a schedule we made to see each other. I want to forget the world around me and let my tense muscles relax in your embrace like I used to.

I apologize that we haven't seen each other often in the last month. I'm lucky to see you a few hours each day, and even then I can't truely forget everything I've been doing and simply enjoy our time together. The ever-growing pile of papers in my backpack and assignments in my inbox tugs me away, my arms reaching for you but never firmly grabbing hold. Every day, I spend the ticking minutes waiting to return to you.
Sep 25

The Woods Were My Home

The woods were my home
More than my house
They were where I danced
Where I played
Where I went to escape
the crushing sensation brought down on me by school
Expectations
People
Life

They are where I stored my most precious memories of childhood
Tucked under the roots, between the leaves
Are those I will never give up
Memories of collecting sap
Playing house
Exploring
Wandering to clear my head
Creating new worlds
From a singluar magical one

The woods are where I learned to dream
And made new friends where real ones failed
Where I learned that if we only have the power to dream it
It can be true
Even if only in our heads

Recently I stepped through the threshold
Of this childhood home of mine
For the first time in many years
Drawing aside the curtains of branches
Blowing the dust off the rock that used to be a kitchen
Sep 25

help me

stop
pressing in

on me i cAN'T
BREathe
you're crow  ding
me
       FORCIng me int   o mYSELf
forc  ing me

to swerve
                 around you
wh  en i haVE No space
no space
no
      space
to
      breathe
can't
          breathe
too muc   h nOISE swelling

inside my HEAD 
                             Choking me
cru   shing mE
stabbing
               me
my chest

hurtS
he    art bea   ting
beat  ing
too fa     st
wa     y ToO fASt
can't 
         con  trol it
sh     aking
c  an't   s  top shaKI  Ng              
hAn  dS   trE Mblin  g

let me go
                home
i wa   nT TO Go home
i need
            to g   o home
why cAN'T You see

h    ow bad                                    i feel
                   it is h     ow bROKen
Sep 21

Waking Up

BEEP BEEP BEEP

No

BEEP BEEP BEEP

Five more minutes

BEEP BEEP BEEP

Please just shut up

BEEP BEEP BEEP

It is not morning

BEEP BEEP BEEP

I refuse to accept the fact that it is morning

BEEP BEEP BEEP

just fell asleep are you kidding me

BEEP BEEP BEEP

Leave me alone

BEEP BEEP BEEP

Why am I taking to an inanimate object

BEEP BEEP BEEP

This is how I know I need more sleep

BEEP BEEP BEEP

Fine

BEEP BEEP BEEP

I won't forget this

BEEP BE-
Aug 29

Welcome Back

three months of peace
three months of rest
three months without worry
three months without stress
three months of forgetting
the pain i lived through
three months of forgetting
papers written, projects due

but now it's all over
an end to the sun
a end to a time
of thrill and of fun
for once more i sit
in a small wooden chair
once more the system
has me cruelly ensnared

and though no projects or papers
have yet been assigned
the whirlwind of fear
has entered my mind
memories float
to the front of my brain
of last year's exhaustion
the anguish and strain

it's time for me once more
to shoulder my pack
to carry my binders
'til they snap my back
time for me to cry
in the dead of night
because no matter what
i just can't get it right

time for me to ignore
Apr 19

Tears

tears are easy to hide

a curtain of hair
a bent head
a laptop screen

we can hide behind
a multitude of things
while we cry
but the aftermath is harder
to conceal from prying eyes

blotchy face
swollen eyes
shuddered breaths

some eyes watch closely
and some never see

those that see
ask what's wrong
but how can i say
everything is wrong
nothing goes right anymore

they think they can help
wipe away the tears
put a smile on my face
but i just want to hide

tears are easy to hide
unless someone looks for them
Apr 18

The Mask I've Built

They used to notice
I used to mope and walk with my head down 
Blocking out the world
Refusing conversation
Always blinking back tears
Breaking down to nothing

Now I walk with my hair back
Looking around me
Smiling, laughing,
Talking with my friends
Convincing them it's over
And I'm fine

I'm not
Not really
I've just created a mask
Out of steel and resolve
Out of pain and tears
And I refuse to take it off

Never again

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