Blackrose's blog

I look

Tries to turn

TO hide

But I hold his eyes

All I see is a dark corridor

Nothing but a shadowed look

He knows hurt

He knows pain

 he knows how to hide

 But not from me

I know him to well

Tell me 

My words echo in the empty hallway

Just me and him

He finally looks away 

No

I can barely hear him

You've been hiding

What are you scared of

We all hurt

 We all know pain

Talk to someone

I look in your eyes 

And 

All I see is nothing

Love

Everybody thinks of the painless part

They don't think of the part that lurks in the darkness...

Waiting

Waiting

Waiting

He's holding my heart now

But in a second he could drop it

Once it hits the ground it's shattered

Into tiny pieces that are forced into every part of me

I can't stop the pain

I can't stop the hurt

I sink down into the darkness

I can't the stop

The hurt

The pain

The tears

Tears

They run down my face in little streamlets

I just want to hide

But i can't

I just look up at him

My eyes

tears pooling over my bottom lashes

The pain, sorrow, and hurt reflected in his eyes

Why

Why

Why

One second you where holding it the next it was shattered

What made you drop it

We could have talked

But no you can't

You can't even look at me

Look in my eyes

No you just look through me

Just like before

I just wanted to be yours

No I wanted you to be mine

You could have asked to have me let you go

I would have let you go

You didn't have to drop my heart

I still love you

But now i hate you too

I wish

I wish that you would come back

That isn't going to happen

You moved on

But I won't I never will

Not for a long time

I could blame you but i don't

i don't know I want to blame you but i can't

Just like I can't move on

I'm still in the darkness Read more »

I love him

I do

Yes

I wouldn't hesitate on the alter

Or if he's on one knee

Yeah right

He has her

He doesn't need me

I'm only another friend

Another face in the crowd

I wish he would see me as I see him

But it was never meant to be

I know there are others Read more »

We were the only ones who knew...

The truth

About how she died...

Eva

Amelia and I were there when It happened.

 We were The Three Besties.

The story is that she was hit in the temple by a branch.

That's not true.

We were in a field that we always talk in. Read more »

He is poetry

Out of this country

Out of my world... His world

When he is near  my emotions get swirled

All I know is that it was never meant to be

He's lost at sea... To me

Never looking at me but through

Maybe one day you will see too

Let down your walls...
Let people in.
Let there be light.
If you let your friends in they will help you.
I know what it's like.
Your stuck in a abyss.
You can either sink to the bottom or tread water.
I can tell that you try to tread water.
But every so often you sink just below the surface.
If you just let me in.
"Listen to me please. Look into my eyes. I know that you can see a bit of light now. Trust me. Let me in." I whisper the last few words.
"Why?" You ask I can see it in your eyes that you don't trust me.
"You can trust me and don't you dare lie to me."
"Sorry, but the last person I trusted dropped me in the darkness."
I don't respond.
You try to look away but my eyes hold you.
"I can't."
"Don't say that." I respond, "Of course you can do this. Think about it and talk to me tomorrow."
I turn and walk away.
I glance back and see you looking back at me.
Not really looking at me but more above me into nothingness.

The Next Day

We meet at my locker like we did yesterday.
"Well?" I ask
"I don't know. I guess that i could give it a try to lower my walls." he says.
The bell sounds.
I walk away to class while he walks in the opposite direction to get to his class.
I hope this works.
It did for me...
But I hadn't hurt as many people.
I was able to make it up to them.
I guess I will have to talk to my friends.
Some of my friends were ok with it.
Some weren't.
The ones that he was mean to.
He'll have to prove that he is trying to let people.
I'm not sure if he will be able to.
He needs to tell them he's sorry Read more »

"Don't you dare!!! Why did you punch him he did nothing? I can't believe you! What is your problem?!?" I hiss angerily to the boy that punch my best friend.

"He was flurting with you! You were flurting with him! What the hell? Your dating me!" That boy said angerly back to me. 

"First off I thought that we were just going to the dance together, but we aren't dating right now. You asked me to go to the dance with you not to date you. Second off don't ever hit one of my friends again! Third off, I shoot back at the boy, Ashton, and turn to my best friend, Runako. Are you going to be ok?"

"I think I will," Runako says crying.

I glare at Ashton. "Will you still go with the dance with me?" He asked fearfully.

"Yes but if you lay another finger on my friends its not going to happen. If you say anything bad about them too, it's over."

"Okay," He said turning to leave.

I just sit down next to Runako and don't say anything. Angery tears run out of the corners of my eyes. I speak up and when I do he looks over, "Your lucky. I could of hurt you a lot. Also be careful if you really want to go with me."  

Hello

Such a simple word

We never think of it

Hi

Hey

Hello

All the same meaning

I'm talking to you again

I see you again

Your not gone

We should feel happy

We should smile

Has it turned into a meaningless word?

Sometimes it's just a word

Sometimes it's amazing

Sometimes it means "I missed you"

Hello

Hi

Hey

Such little words

So many meanings

Careful. Please. Tread lightly. Don't let them hear you. I can't think of what that they would do. They would do the unthinkable. I don't want to think of it. Why did I let you go to that place alone? All i can do is hope. i should have gone with you. i'm sorry if something happens to you. I will be my fault. I won't let you die. I will go after you. This is part of the plan. Why am i worrying? Every plan that we have ever made has always gone according to plan. For some reason i just don't think this will. I meet you were we where planning to meet and everything seems just fine. That uneasy feeling that I have doesn't seem to lift. I have never had this feeling before. We pratically make sure that we are never seen or heard. We have been doing thsi for a while. I guess that there is nothing going to happen.

OK. Maybe something did happen, like we got captured. I don't know how but I don't think that anything will happen to us. It seems like they thought we were just kids sneeking around on a dare. That is our backup i was plan incase that we got caught. They will let us go after they question us. This has happened once before. I was working solo then. Vanyel and I started to work together the year after that. He is very quiet and we work well together because we are both quiet and we can comunicate without talking. That is very helpful when we are working in the field. Well not much I can do.

Snow

Falling all around

Stupid snow

You cover what like 4 inches

You made it so that we don't have the trip

It got called off

The snow falles down blanketing the earth

The roads weren't bad or anything

But we're stuck here doing nothin'

Snow 

Snow

Snow

Falling

Falling

Annoying

Stupid snow

it making me depressed

No reason

No reason at all

"GET AWAY!!!!" I scream. I continue in a calmer voice. "Why do you come back. I haved nothing for you. Go Away!" I don't scream like I did last time but I put an edge in my voice. He backed away a little bit. I didn't let him say anything. He broke a little at those words though I could tell. "I'm sorry. Why did you come back?" I ask my voice cracking then failing at he last word.

"I wanted to say I want you back. I know and I forgive you." He says and says I forgive you at the end just like I knew he would.

"I'm sorry. So sorry. Sorry.Don't say you forgive me because I know it's not true. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. Why was I so mean? Don't answer that. I'm sorry."

I'M SORRY!

Stop

Go away

Your words wont help

You caused this

Tis your fault

I cry

I cry

Cry

I want to scream go away

But I listen

You try to make it up

You broke my heart

You let it fall onto the sidewalk

It broke like a flower that got frozen by nitrogen

Shattering into millions of pieces

Leaving me crying

Don't cry you beg

Please don't

I feel like laughing if I wasn't so hurt

I thought you wouldn't let me brake

I forgive you

For now

The sunset

I watch

The light looks red

i see that color spreading over the sky

The sky soon is like blood

I look up staring into the sky

i see blood raining down.

All around

Bathing me in it's red light

The clouds drift by

Black against the bath of red

Slowly the blackish blue creeps up from behind the hill

The red slowly leaves me

The blue black takes over 

Dark unlike the red

I stand

A black silhouette against the dark sky

I feel like nothing can make me move

I feel strong

Unstoppable

Unlike the weak girl I feel sometimes

No i'm invinceable

Not vulnerable

Not weak

Not sad

Not hiding who i am

I'm happy

I'm smart

I'm beautiful

I'm everything good that could ever be

I feel like I could run forever

I stand back straight

Looking up at the full moon

Where the blood disappeared

Replaced by peace

"That so gay." He told me.

"I wish people would just stop saying stuff like that." I reply

"That's unlikely to happen. I will try not to."

"Well it should happen! Someone told me once that "It's not what people say to him but what he hears people say to others."

"So what. It doesn't matter. You can't stop what people say." Read more »

I spin

Slowly

Waiting

Turning

Round

Round

Waiting

He gone

I fall

Crying out

Tears run

You idiot

Why

i should have been there

I was the one that have always held a gun

Not you

It should have been me

Not you

Spinning

Turning

Round and Round

falling into the abyss

I wait

I know they won't come

i wish they could

I see them

But only in my head

i will NEVER see them again

It's my fault

I wish i could see them

But I can't

They can't come back

the flame burns inside of me

I see them

They look though the windows

But only I can see them

they are all in my head

Oh my friends you cannot know how much i miss you Read more »

i will be Forever Hopeful

There is nothing he can do

He can't stop me about being forever hopeful

There is nothing he can do

However he may try

He can do nothing

I love him and he can't stop me

He knows I do

he doesn't care

But he does

i know he does

He doesn't act the same

He never will

I hope he will love me

sometime

Maybe

Maybe not

My heart droken

my eyes cold

i leave this place and go

I don't look

Can't look back

i left him

He let me down

he let me crack

i hold back tears

I cannot cry

i never had

I never will

Not over him

He let me fall

he let me go

I fell into that deep abyss

I drown

Hands pull me down there is nothing i can do

  Read more »

My heart is confused

Why?

My eyes stare off

They look at nothing

I see his face

He broke my heart Read more »

I run

I don't stop

I have to get away

That is not my life

Living with my friends in the wood are my life

How could i live without the woods

This is my life

This is how i get away

This is where I live

this is  how i leave my other life

i hate my other life

i am not my other life

My life is not that

My life is not that unspeakable hate

My life is not that anymore

I will not go back

Nothing can Read more »

I run

I don't stop

I have to get away

That is not my life

Living with my friends in the wood are my life

How could i live without the woods

This is my life

This is how i get away

This is where I live

this is  how i leave my other life

i hate my other life

i am not my other life

My life is not that

My life is not that unspeakable hate

My life is not that anymore

I will not go back

Nothing can Read more »

Don't tell me

I know

you think that I wouldn't

I do you know

You already know that I would know

You knew

I know lots

I see lots

I Knew this would happen

Why didn't i stop youBut

I didn't

You...

Why...

I thought that i could trust you

no I  was wrong

i could have guessed

Did you really have to break my heart

I know you didn't

Everyone knows you didn't Read more »

"Hi!!!" Someone shouts.

"How are you? OMG I haven't seen you like in forever!" Marg turns and says.

"I know, like, I mean Marg you look fabulous! I didn't know that y'all did beauty pagents!" Lil finishes laughing slightly. "I never thought that you would be a girl who would do beauty pagents." Read more »

Hello

Hello

HELLO

CAN SOMEBODY HELP?

GET ME OUT OF THIS TIN CAN!!

Please

Sobbing you curl up against the wall.

i wish I could help you

I can't all I can do is watch

I watched you like this before

Every time you lose somebody

Anybody who leaves us

They never come up

They don't always die

Even if they don't

Thye never come back

You will come soon.

Come Back!!

Why did you leave

What did i do!

Why do you blame me!

you say it was my fault

It wasn't

You just wanted an excuse

Why do you hate me?

Come Back!!

Why did you leave

What did i do!

Why do you blame me!

you say it was my fault

It wasn't

You just wanted an excuse

Why do you hate me?

Ow My face!

Why the hell did I do this

I'm a idiot

One more level

Oh God Let Me Live!!!!

Glug

I am thinking of you

You don't know that

I think as I sweep across the floor

My black dress with it's designs flowing behind me

I love you

But you don't know

People say...

That you should tell somebody if you love them Read more »