Aug 21
Fiona Ella's picture

relaxed

i had a thought last night
a thought that made me wonder
whether i'm ever actually
relaxed. 
name me a moment
and i can probably mention five or six things
that were on some level 
weighing on my mind
then.
i am an anxious person
i overthink things
and those things never go away. 
i can be happy, 
be amused, 
be sad, 
be any other emotion on that long, 
long
list. 
but relaxed? 
i do not know. 
i am a champion at worrying
and that is at odds with being calm. 
maybe it's a writer's dilemma, 
but the concerns that weigh on my mind
don't have to do with them. 
they have to do
with me. 
maybe it's still a writer's dilemma
because i spend my busy hours
worrying about imaginary people
and in my spare hours
my mind turns to me. 
and all the things that frighten me
about me. 
then again, 
assuming everybody's mind
Aug 18
Fiona Ella's picture

tea

some things just link themselves
to a feeling. 
or become one. 
like the smell of a sort of cinammony tea
that i had every night
in the winter while i was working
on a story
and emailing my friend. 
i don't know if i'd call them happy times
(let's be honest, 
apart from my not currently being in school, 
they haven't changed)
but the tea is so firmly linked
to that moment,
one whiff and it's january again

strange, the way some things work. 
the way i wanted this tea
a few days ago for no reason
and now it's a rainy evening
at the end of the summer
and i have it. 
should be pastoral
like some paradise
but it isn't. 
just odd. 
like how in the pastoral world
in which i drink this tea,
i'm in larry and lucy's kitchen in ireland
and it's winter, 
which means lots of rain in ireland
Aug 17
Fiona Ella's picture

artist

Aug 12
Fiona Ella's picture

to youtube advertisements

i am trying to figure out
exactly what i have done
by listening to celtic music
which suggests i might want to buy 
frosted oat flakes. 
and why bombarding me with the same advertisement
instead of my music
over and over again
is meant to make me feel any kindlier towards those flakes. 
in future, a word to the wise: 
i am listening to music. 
i am not buying cereal. 
especially not that cereal. 
so please, 
let me listen to my music. 
do not make me suffer through another
frosted oat flake ad. 
i deeply and truly
do not care about them.

#sos17

sorry, i know this is weird. but i was being bombarded with ads while listening to music in youtube and it's very annoying
 
Aug 11
Fiona Ella's picture

music because i can't think of anything else

Aug 09
Fiona Ella's picture

have a song

Aug 09
poem 2 comments challenge: Bake
Fiona Ella's picture

tried to

i tried to bake in a sense of humor
but left it in the oven too long
and came out with someone who couldn't take anything seriously. 
tried to make them intelligent
and came out with a one-dimensional cardboard cutout person
like a dictionary. 
tried to include an artistic side
then they wanted to do feng shui on my kitchen
and draw meditative henna on my face 
and just sat to listen to me rant about my writing
and it's nice to be listened to
but they just sat and stared
and i wondered if they were taking it in at all. 
tried to bake in something that would make them
a little different from me
but they only disagreed with everything that i said. 
tried to include non-judgementality
but then they put up with everything i said, 
and not everything i say
should be put up with. 
i tried to bake in someone with a real life
and they spilled their existential crisis
all over me
Aug 05
Fiona Ella's picture

too short

if i think too much about summer
i wind up thinking about how short it is. 
in september it seems endless, 
in may it seems even more so, 
in june there's still much of the promise to keep, 
but by july some of the glamor's wearing off. 
by the time august rolls around, 
summer is an exhausted act 
that was never as long as it seemed
to begin with. 
hardly worth waiting for, 
so...
why do we wait for it? 
i wonder, 
because summer is supposed to be that paradise
the epitome of teenage life
adventures, 
trying new things, 
exhaustion, 
hot days and thunderstorms at night
and new experiences. 
and for sure, 
i went to ireland, 
i did plenty. 
but now, it seems like nothing at all. 
which maybe just goes to show
that no matter what it does, 
summer is always going to be a disappointment?
so...
why wait?
Aug 04
Fiona Ella's picture

more music 2

Aug 03
Fiona Ella's picture

a chocolate story

It's not the first time I've gotten chocolate since YWP began its great Chocolate-Sending campaign. It would be ... the second. If I'm counting correctly. However, it almost didn't happen. 
I wasn't even expecting to be sent anything in the mail—just going about my ordinary summer, doing ordinary things or no things at all—until I came across a piece on here mentioning that somebody else had recieved chocolate. 
Well, at first I tried to think reasonably, I'm further south in the state than most YWPers, it probably just took longer in the mail. Then I wondered if my ten days in Ireland had had a greater effect on my SoS posts than I'd thought it had. Or maybe the staff at headquarters had come over all music-hating on me? After all, most of what I'd put up was music. Maybe they didn't love me anymore. 

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