Anthology Released!

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Upcoming prompts

12. Hunting. Share your favorite hunting stories, or tell how you feel about hunting. Alternate: The Big Loss. Describe a moment in which your team lost and what happened. Deadline: FRIDAY.

Deadline extended: Future of Vermont Challenge. Get published, win cash. Deadline: FRIDAY.

She

Usagi's picture
Submitted by Usagi on March 6, 2008 - 22:10.

She refuses bread at
dinner
and crams it into her mouth
in the kitchen.
Whenever she holds knives
she has a sudden urge to
dance.
She's fascinated by matches
but scared to strike
even one.
She loves photographs
and hates cameras.
She won't eat anything orange.
There are days when
she speaks nothing but
French.

She wishes somebody would notice
her.

UVM Mentor Feedback

Submitted by nataliap on April 29, 2008 - 20:20.

Bridget,

First of all, I really like your title. Though it is short and simple I think it captures this girl’s simple desire to be noticed. What is interesting to me is that I think her want is really quite common but you manage to express it in a way that is incredibly unique. Your short lines and contrasting images work well with and represent what I imagine is going on in this girl’s mind.

Can you give your readers and idea of why she might long so much to be noticed or who she wants to be noticed by? While I think there is something to be said for the air of mystery your poem currently has, I know I’m curious to see you go a bit deeper into her emotions. Keep writing!

Thanks for submitting,
Natalia Parachini
UVM Mentor

karlie's picture

ooo

Submitted by karlie on May 18, 2008 - 17:02.

I really really love this piece.
Personally, I don't want to know why she wants attention, or from who.
I love it just as it is,
with mystery.
I'm left thinking,
"Good lord, I'd love to meet this girl."
It's brilliant
: )
-Karlie

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