Lyrics
Submitted by Kacie Collins on March 19, 2008 - 13:33.
Perhaps they’re the words we’re too nervous to say
The words we should have, would have, and could have said.
Perhaps they’re the thoughts to sacred to say
The thoughts we’re dying to let out but our heart holds away
Perhaps they’re the whispers of a once had been
The wisps of memories and places we can no longer be.
UVM Mentor Feedback
Hi Kacie,
I like how you begin every other line of your poem with "perhaps". It gives the poem a succinct vibe and brings it back after each of the other lines. I think that one thing you might want to try and expand upon would be to play with your emotions a little bit more. You do a lot of telling in this poem, but it might be good to do a little showing. Your poem is very speculative, which is similar to the way we interpret song lyrics-- we can never really know for sure what the artist meant by what they wrote. But I think a really significant aspect of song lyrics are how they make us feel. How do they make you feel, and hoe might you incorporate that into your poem? Best of luck, and keep writing!
Kate Maciejowski
UVM Mentor