Due this week

5. Haunted. Have you ever been in a house where things go bump in the night? Do you believe that some buildings or places are haunted? Is there one in your town? Tell us a story about it. Make it believable.
Alternate: Lockers. What one thing do you wish no one to know about in your locker? Or what is the most important thing in your locker? Deadline: Friday Oct. 17.

To submit to Newspaper Series

  • Log in. (Click "Not a YWP member?" to create an account.)

  • Click "create content" and create an ENTRY
  • Fill out "title," "author name, school & grade" and "prompt" boxes.
  • Paste story into "body."
  • Click "Submit." You are done.
    NOTES: Your account email must be accurate; a "blog" entry must be resubmitted as an ENTRY to be considered.

Shh!

Submitted by Guest on March 26, 2008 - 12:01.

Fear,
Noises,
Scary,
Boo.

Walking down a vacant road you see an old McDonald’s bag lazily strewn about along with empty Coca-Cola cans and candy wrappers that have seen better days.
Shadows surround you in every direction.
La La La La you sing to yourself to block out any background noises.

Waiting in my sister’s closet,
I sit on old shoes, sports bags, snow boarding goggles and random North Face™ jackets.
I can hear her worn out shoes approaching the door.
3, 2, 1 ....BOO!
AHHH!
I pat myself on the back and walk out of her room.

Sitting in the movie theater watching the movie through my cold fingers against my face like Cat Women.
Its so good that I can’t not watch it.
So scary.
Or so my mind wants me to think.

Dangling my foot off my bed, I realize that something like the monster and crocodile that have called under my bed -home for many years could come and bite it off, I whip it up under the safety and warmth of my purple comforter.

sweet

Submitted by soccer_hockey (not verified) on April 2, 2008 - 08:55.

This is a really good peice!!!!!!!!
IT = AMAZING
Good job,
<3 Magda ~

thanks magda, ya i kinda

Submitted by appy.horse.lover.9 (not verified) on April 2, 2008 - 15:36.

thanks magda, ya i kinda just wrote it in like 5 mins cause i was bored. lol its so wird when i think about what i write my stuff sucks but when i dont they come out fine! lol thanks for the comment!

<3 kara

horselover4's picture

:-)

Submitted by horselover4 on April 3, 2008 - 10:46.

Great job!! Kara! It's really good!
<3 Lydia

eoleames's picture

gahh!

Submitted by eoleames on April 14, 2008 - 09:12.

i love it =]

♥ laney.

slunden's picture

UVM Mentor Comment

Submitted by slunden on May 7, 2008 - 14:12.

Hey Kara,

I agree with the rest of the commenters - this piece is great! You really capture all the different facets of fear: walking down a strange street, jumping out and scaring your sister, (sort of) watching a horror movie, and that universal fear that never really leaves you, of the monster under the bed. I'm not sure if you intended it as a prose poem, but it definitely works as one - you have a knack for the form. My favorite line is definitely the one about the McDonald's bag and candy wrappers - the shady street and the creepy feelings associated with it really come into focus for the reader.

A few tips: while I kind of like the list at the beginning, I think the piece would be stronger without it; if you call the poem "Fear," the set-up function of the list would remain intact. I'd also read the first sentence of the last section out loud to yourself a few times and see if you can't make it a bit more concise and clear - but definitely don't lose the crocodile monster, he's great!

Thanks for submitting,
Suzanne

Sponsors

    We are grateful to the Vermont Business Roundtable and its members -- business and educational leaders throughout the state -- for their generous support of this project. These leaders recognize the value of what we do and the importance of writing in life. For more, see: VERMONT BUSINESS ROUNDTABLE & members
    We also depend on the generosity of individuals. Please DONATE NOW to continue our work. We are a 501(c)3 federal charity and so all donations are tax-deductible.