One knee

Under a red sky,
He gets on one knee to ask,
Tears, and loving hugs.
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Due this week5. Haunted. Have you ever been in a house where things go bump in the night? Do you believe that some buildings or places are haunted? Is there one in your town? Tell us a story about it. Make it believable. |
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One knee![]() Under a red sky, |
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UVM Mentor Comment
Hi Sam,
I like your poem...though I'm not really sure why, since I'm not really sure what it's about. There is something very appealing about your haiku, and haikus in general: they are simple and mysterious, perfect for conveying one scene that is laden with meaning. That's the vibe that I'm getting from "One Knee" - from the title and second line, I'm assuming that you are describing a marriage proposal. This assumption is complicated, however, by the red sky - which I associate with doom - and the tears. If you're going the marriage proposal route, I might change "red" to "pink": the tears would then seem more joyful.
It's definitely fun working with so few words and lines, for then everything impacts everything else so much more. If you're going for an image / idea besides marriage in this poem, I'd recommend changing things up a bit; if not, you've created a beautiful scene.
Suzanne