Due this week

General Writing. Send in your best work – poems, short stories, essays. (Feel free to do it throughout the year, but this gives you a deadline.)
Deadline: Oct. 10.

To submit to Newspaper Series

  • Log in. (Click "Not a YWP member?" to create an account.)

  • Click "create content" and create an ENTRY
  • Fill out "title," "author name, school & grade" and "prompt" boxes.
  • Paste story into "body."
  • Click "Submit." You are done.
    NOTES: Your account email must be accurate; a "blog" entry must be resubmitted as an ENTRY to be considered.

Captivation

Submitted by thunder on April 24, 2008 - 09:58.

I am
Staring out the window
And the
Shimmer
Of the sky
Reminds me of
Your pretty eyes.
Each time I
Lay my head down, I
See me beside you.
Nothing and everything
Intertwine
Yet, somehow it
Doesn't seem so
Catastrophic
Anymore; maybe because
You're so captivating

UVM Mentor Feedback

Submitted by kate.maciejowski on April 28, 2008 - 22:33.

Hi Casey,

I really enjoyed your poem-- it was refreshing to me to think about what it might mean for you and for anyone else who reads it. My favorite thing about it is that it manages to instill me with a complex feeling using relatively simple language. It sort of reminds me of a sunny day, it makes you feel happy and you know why enough not to question it much.

Something you might work on could be to give the reader an image in their head to work with. Though I am able to get an idea when you write "I am
Staring out the window
And the
Shimmer
Of the sky
Reminds me of
Your pretty eyes", I guess I would just like to see more of this. I think that you could keep the simplicity of your poem but still make it a little longer. A place you could expand might be at the end when you mention that things "don't seem so catastrophic"... how did they seem catastrophic before? Also details about what makes this person captivating might be... well, captivating. Great job, Casey, and please keep writing!

Kate Maciejowski

UVM Mentor

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