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Give feedback!

Each day we have new writing -- and new selections on the front page. An important part of this project is to give each other positive, constructive feedback. So add your comments to the writing. Read as a writer. Help out your fellow young writer!

Hope

Submitted by unusualsuspects on May 8, 2008 - 19:23.

Like a fallen star from the sky of elsewhere
He arrived
In a new place
A new country
A new home in a new sky
The person who was going to meet him
Wasn’t there
And he wondered if anyone was wishing
On him, the lone shining star
Standing alone in a train station

UVM Mentor Feedback

Submitted by kate.maciejowski on May 8, 2008 - 20:25.

Rowan,

I really love your poem. It is short and sweet and really has an impact on the reader. I also get a really great visual from it- I picture a little boy wandering alone in a train station, waiting for someone special to find him, and not realizing how important he is himself. The poem also seems to have some higher calling, another meaning behind the image you give that feels mysterious and works quite well.

Something you might work on could be to give the reader a little bit more of an idea of what's going on-- sort of something to frame the poem around. Why is this person in the new country? Who was supposed to meet him there? I don't think that you should necessarily answer these questions outright, but somehow allude to their answers so the reader can understand the context of the poem a little better. I do like the short length, and the simplicity though, so I wouldn't recommend going into too much detail.

Thanks for submitting, Rowan, and please keep writing!!

Sincerely,

Kate Maciejowski

UVM Mentor

This is a good poem

Submitted by hanoverlax22 on May 15, 2008 - 14:29.

W0W, I got a great visual effect, and I can totally relate to your poem.
-Ryan F

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