I am
I am the girl with a
fake tan peeking from her
teal dress,
her Marylin Monroe blond hair dripping
"fake"
into her morning tea and coffee.
I am the girl in Boho fashions,
playing electric chords on
acoustic guitars
and singing with a voice like
feathers and flowers blooming.
I am the girl who loves too much,
who's heart is broken every morning
when the sun doesn't rise on time
or the bus driver
forgets
to say hello.
I am the girl
the boy
the in-between who watches in awe
as others flaunt their
pure sexuality
with bowler caps and
tiara's gracing their brows.
I am the wind
I am the sea
I am unforgettable.
I am...
anonymous.
- Anonymous's blog
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I remember why I love this site!
That was poignant and beautiful!
It sent chills up my spine.
I especially love the image the first paragraph paints.
And the third verse is truly gorgeous!
~SnowStars
Thank you dear... Im rather
Thank you dear...
Im rather new and am looking for suggestions...
how can I make it better?
_____________________________
"As a child I used to think that 'Anon' was a Greek philosopher, when told otherwise, I lost my first real hero."
I think
I don't think there are that many changes you can make (it's really good) But this poem is amazing, it's descriptive (but not overly so, and its not terribly long.
I'm quite new myself!
It's nice to meet you.
I love your picture and signature, by the way- I'm planning on stealing your password so that they will be MINE!!!
:) ALright, maybe not.
Let's see, it's difficult to find room for improvement in that piece- but in the third verse, "to" should actually be "too."
minor detail, I know.
Also, you could try having some verses that begin with "I am the boy..."
that might add a little balance and flavor. It's up to you, though.
Finally, in the last line of the first verse, you may want to try using either tea or coffee, not both. I don't think it's not really necessary to the flow to have both, but again, just my opinion.
This is one of my favorite pieces!
~SnowStars