Apart

Hey-- I'm Jeff, I'm a UVM mentor.

This is an interesting piece-- I'm assuming that it's about the conflict that Geoff referenced in his message on the front page? I have no idea what happened-- I haven't been following the community lately-- but this piece seems to give a good sense of what happened just by its sheer rawness.

On a craft level-- and this poem like all inspired writing is more than the way its words are put together-- uses some very interesting devices. The "shut up, shut down" duality is brilliant-- pairing opposites is a great way to really make a reader stop and think for a moment. The poem continues to darken in the middle and yet it's held up again by these same dualities: the image of "pretty white" against the suggestions of red blood is one that, to me, seems particularly poignant. You've written a powerful and venemous piece that suggests a great deal-- in a disturbing way.

As someone who loves to write myself, I understand the creative impulse that's at work here-- writing can do a lot of things. In this poem, you have taken words and turned them into knives. You've done this very well, and indeed sincere writing comes directly from emotion. The dark tone of the poem worries me, and I don't know quite how to say anything beyond that because I'm not really in a position to do so. You are a skilled writer, and I hope that time turns your knives into flowers.