Forbidden

Forbidden
By Leah Kanoff
May 2008
Written for anonymous

The pain and happiness of everything coming to a closure is more then she can bare.
Schools getting out for the summer, the girl tells herself she should feel happy, but why does she feel so melancholy?
The feel of the summer breeze pushes back her long hair, letting a tear fall from her eye, as she sits on the rock in the middle of the river.
Is it the thought of knowing that when school starts again, she’ll never see her cousin again roaming in the hall ways?
No, it isn’t just that.
It’s something else.
It’s the thought of her missing something, somebody, him, the someone she never had or could ever have; but has she secretly been wishing she could?
Too scared to really open up to anyone, there was something about him that made her feel safe, she found some kind of trust in him, which allowed the door to fall open.
Yes, the girl knew her answer; it was the fact of probably never seeing him again.
There was never something between her and him for her to really say she’ll miss him. Nor is it right for her to wish there was.
She knew the boundaries well; and never once did cross them until now. For she felt as though this may be the very last time she will ever see or talk to him.
Knowing things will never, or can change, she figured she felt like she had to be honest and beat around the bush.
She said to herself, this may only make things awkward, but there is nothing for me to lose.
Better to say or write what she feels before it really is too late. Too late for what though? Nothing is going to happen between them, nothing can, but she feels as though if she’s never going to see him again, it can’t hurt to let him know the feelings and thoughts she has, or had about him, which she kept, or keeps hidden away from him, only because it was never right to share, nor is it right to even now.
The year seems to have gone by way too fast, and has she secretly been having all these feelings the whole year?....
One can only guess the answer….
Life goes on, and before she felt like she could head off into summer and go on with life, she felt like she had to beat around the bush at least once in her life, even if it does only make things awkward.
So the girl sitting on the rock in the middle of the river, with her long hair blowing in the wind, well everything that she is thinking and feeling, I am thinking and feeling, for that girl is me.
The guy she talks about, well, that would be you.
The girl sits on the rock one last moment, not ready to let go, not ready to stop writing, not ready for the truth to slip past her lips, not ready to let go of certain feelings or memories, not ready to face reality, not ready to face the many challenges she fears coming her way.
But as the girl walks away from the river she realizes, maybe she doesn’t really have to let go of certain feeling and memories, nothing’s going to happen between them, but that doesn’t mean she can’t hold on to them for a little bit longer.