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Prompt responses due Friday

14. Procrastination. If you had more time, you’d be able to put it off longer. What do you put off to the last moment? Why? Tell a story about how you just barely got something done in time – or didn’t.
Alternate: Splat! Use that word in a story or a poem.

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Weight on us

Submitted by greenlemon on July 15, 2008 - 10:15.

Some of the verses from a song I'm working on. Any suggestions would be appreciated!

She doesn't understand
Why nobody listens
But they're all caught up
As the heap of trouble deepens
Wanting to do something to change their world
Can't figure out where to start
She slowly realizes that
All hope she has is being torn apart

She knows that things are wrong
Doesn't want to admit it
So many things are missing and she's slowly dying bit by bit
Though she has so far
Gotten along fine this way
The weight is all on us
To take the pain away

Inside she's dying
On the outside too
But her grass is still green
And her skies are still blue
Creating the illusion that she's perfectly okay
But we need to fix things if we want to see another day

Geist's picture

I think it's quite

Submitted by Geist on July 15, 2008 - 10:23.

I think it's quite good.

Bra-vo.

offreadin's picture

I think this is a great

Submitted by offreadin on July 15, 2008 - 10:42.

I think this is a great start. Here are my suggestions to help you. Think about what you want the content of the song to be. Do you want it to tell a story? Do you want it to send a message or describe an emotion? Once you figure that out you may be able to make up a chorus. Looking at the keywords list, you have the environment. Is the "she" Mother nature? If so, you might want to might want to mention that some where, weave it in or what not. Also if that's so, you could go look at articles on the environment and see if there is a phrase or a picture that inspires you. It reminds me a little of what I've done by linkin park, and that's another place you might want to look for inspiration. Or, you could just go outside and see what "She" has to say for herself ^_^. If "she " is not the environment. . . Disregard the above sentences. and Whoops!
I'm very interested to see how this comes out. I think it has a lot of potential.

Thanks so much! I'm glad you

Submitted by greenlemon on July 17, 2008 - 10:13.

Thanks so much! I'm glad you got the meaning of the song. I added another verse that might make that a little more clear...The suggestions helped me a lot and I am working on a chorus. Writing outside has really helped me get ideas!

Thanks for the great suggestions!

Turquoise Wishes's picture

What a great song em. Its so

Submitted by Turquoise Wishes on July 17, 2008 - 10:24.

What a great song em. Its so awesome! I love the "Her grass is still green"
You are such a great writer! Luvs.

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