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Prompt responses due Friday

14. Procrastination. If you had more time, you’d be able to put it off longer. What do you put off to the last moment? Why? Tell a story about how you just barely got something done in time – or didn’t.
Alternate: Splat! Use that word in a story or a poem.

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Insanity

XOLizaKateXO's picture
Submitted by XOLizaKateXO on September 5, 2008 - 21:29.

I need to push you away
To keep from going insane
Every time you’re near
I become vain

I know you don’t understand
Exactly what I’m going through
And you feel like I don’t
Want anything to do with you

But I want you to know
That my heart is in pain
And I push you away
To keep myself sane

It’s hard for me to get near
And be your best friend
Because my broken heart
Will not seem to mend

In my wildest dreams
You kiss me in the rain
But I push you away
So I won’t go insane

CSC Mentor Comment

Submitted by kmbrlyns on September 7, 2008 - 16:31.

Hi Liza,

I really feel the emotion of this piece. It's that kind of love story where you want to be with the person, but you know that you are better off without them. In your heart you might not feel better off, but your head is telling you that you will be.

The last 3 stanzas really sell it for me. The beat and flow of the poem really work here. I especially like how you bring back the "insane" factor in the final stanza. You started the poem talking about not wanting to go insane, and you end the poem using "so I won't go insane" as rationale for pushing the person away. This consistency in the poem is nice. The opening stanzas of the poem, however, do not seem as strong as the final stanzas. In the first stanza this could be due to the last line "I become vain." It's rhythm doesn't match the rest of the lines in the stanza, so it stands out to the reader. This may be your intention, but it can be a very jarring way to start a poem.

Overall, though, I really enjoyed this poem. Great job!

Kim Lyons
Castleton State College

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