I Know That Now

Why did I have to do it again?
Why?
I knew that I made a promise to you never to do it again,
But I did it anyway.
I knew it would make you mad when I told you,
So why did I have to do it?
I thought of you when I was doing it though,
The salt of my tears stinging the fresh cuts,
The tears mixing in with the warm blood slowly running down my arm.

You really want to know why I did it?
Because I had no other choice.
I had nowhere else to go.
I couldn't go to you and I couldn't go to my parents.
I knew you would tell me to tell my parents and if I told them,
They would send me to a therapist again.
I just had to deal with this on my own.

I know you're furious with me
And I know that you have every right to ignore me
But I did what I felt like I had to.
To help myself.

I promise I won't ever do it again
As long as you stay by me,
Holding my hand through all the hard times.

I know that my promises don't mean anything to you anymore.
I know that even though you want to believe me, you can't.
I know that we won't ever be able to fix this problem
And I know that you can't handle this right now.

I know all this now
As I watch you drive away.
Out of my life
For one last time.