not awake
just can’t sleep

standing at the edge of an ocean with two ropes around my chest
one to the beach
another to the sea

as i pull they tighten around my lungs
choked by decisions
asphyxiated,
no energy to do anything but resist.

i’ve been in this limbo for weeks
gasping for breath

the weekdays are draining
weeknights are plagued with caffeinated fatigue
lying in my bed pleading sleep to wash over me
but sleep likes to come early in the morning
giving me a few hours to scrutinize today and worry about tomorrow

i’m being shouted at to come back to the beach
but the cold ocean laps at my feet;
stuck.

please let me breathe