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Untitled
If I am a soldier then I fight the world.
The side I am on is my own.
This gun will fire the words of my heart
and lonely my heart is of stone.
I’ll live forever because I don’t live.
Cut me; my veins run black ink.
Look into my eyes and you’ll find nothing there.
Reflections daring you to think.
I am the key to the shackles you hate.
I’m the grim reaper who always comes late.
I am the voices that speak in the night.
I am the faces that dance out of sight.
I am the dream that you can’t quite recall.
I am the shape that is not there at all.
I am the name that you’re afraid to call.
I will slit your throat just to watch
you
fall.
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Very nice. I especially like
Very nice. I especially like the "I'm the grim reaper who always comes late." Nice image, that.
Heh.
Heh. Forgive me for the pun in that line.
Consider yourself
Consider yourself forgiven...
Powerful. Nice rhyming,
Powerful. Nice rhyming, really helps the flow. As do the line breaks in the last three lines. How you spoke is was perfect, all spaced-out and slow here, as opposed to the almost rushed part before.
My favorite line is
I am the dream that you can’t quite recall.
I would almost like to hear this a bit slower. Some lines seemed almost too fast. Otherwise it is fantastic.
...............
~miss lit~
...............
~miss lit~
Usagi
Why is it that you can continue to crank out masterpieces when the rest of us are far too distracted?
In any case, great. I feel like with your writing you're trying to send a message (Captain Obvious!), but many a time I just don't quite get it (Captain Slightly Less Obvious).
If this were a riddle, I'd call the answer 'a good idea'.
Once again, a job well done.
/gradster(1)/ - wondering which pun
Secretary of Bureaucracy, ASAP.
http://nmhwu.wordpress.com/
-A
not bad.
whoa.this is REALLY good.its really strong/powerful and whatnot.i like the end a lot.
This is what I want to here.
This is what I want to here. The words I read from your peace...well its what i want to here form people. Anyone who speaks there mind to find who they really are. I never wish to be holding the banner of one side. I want to hold a banner that shows connections of others in a peaceful way and to let people be known for what they want to be known as. I want to be show the meanig of every individual. This is my goal to show people I understand.
Other people rush to get the answer and not walk the full mile.
I am willing to go the full mile and any extra miles to have the full understanding of life.
prospective of all with undersanding to the fullest of my ability, with reasoning to show that I am willing to fight for everyone who understands and how simple one thing can change anything.
P.s. Im sorry if this is a long winded speech or if it may seem like nonsense.
P.s.s. Your message here has a reliving message that I understand.
P.s.s.s. It about and action that when people refuse to understand whats actualy going on and it needs to end for people making the things wores.
I'm sorry everyone.
I'm sorry everyone. I wrote this at far too late an hour and had nothing particular in mind. I started with the first two lines and liked the rhythm. There's no special meaning to it; I just wanted to write something rhythmic and faintly creepy.
I'm intrigued by people's various interpretations of it. A writer's legacy, I'm discovering, is not what they meant to say, but what the reader thinks they mean.
Peatman--careful about your spelling, or rather writing the wrong word. "Here" in this case should be "hear", "peace" --> "piece", "its" --> "it's", "form" --> "from", "there" --> "their", "prospective" I believe should be "perspective", "reliving" to "relieving", and "wores" to "worse". Reading over your comments--or pieces--before posting helps a lot. People tend to take writers more seriously if their grammar is correct.
Peatman...
... "P.S" means post script and post script script (PSS) doesn't make sense does it. so if you wrote PPS means post post script so that means post the post of the scrip. Post means before and script is the whole letter besides the "P.S.", therefore, P.S.
Just thought you would want to know.
Really cool.
I really like all of the "I am" parts, the rhyming is amazing. I love that you managed to pull off good rhyming AND at the same time the sentences are well put together and meaningful. My flaw whenever I have tried to rhyme is that when I rhyme good the sentence is bad, but when I have a good sentence the rhyming is terrible. So Congrats on doing it very well!
Nice poem.
Nice poem.
Usagi...
... Very nice poem I especially like the end. Just one suggestion-Instead of "I am the name that your afraid to call," , maybe you could write, "I am the name that your to scared to call." Its the same sylables, it just flows better. Otherwise I liked it.
You're right, Sirius.
You're right, Sirius. The stress on the syllables does make it sound better that way. If I rerecord this, I'll include the change.
Okay
Okay...I made a mistake when I wrote "to scared to call" should have been,"Too scared to call". I am so bad at that ,kind of grammer when I am typing. Anyways, what I was going to say was that I think this poem is amazing with or without that change and your writing (not just this poem, but also your newest "Footprints in the Snow") are amazing. Are you a teacher or student? You don't have to answer, but I just want to know. Okay this "Comment" is getting to long.
-Sirius
I'm a
I'm a student, Sirius. Tenth grade. I've been on the site for a while and the grammar-nazi-ness has started to rub off on me.
ok
Cool. I'm in sixth grade.