I had pictured this moment so many times before in my head, so that now that it is actually in front of me, at my fingertips, it almost doesn't seem real.
There is a slight breeze, faintly ruffling my fair hair. It would probably make a good photo op, like the models who have fans put by the camera to make their hair look wind touched. Nothing in their pictures is ever genuine. Is anything?
It's so high up. I can see everything below me. Tiny specks.
There was that saying, that if you dropped a coin off the top of the Empire State Building and it hit a person walking by, it would kill them. Myth Busters probably did an episode on that, but it's too late to go back and watch it. It's too late to see if it's true or not. Too late for anything.
I take a small step forward.
I have wanted this for so long. Not because I am unhappy, not because I want to die. Because I don't. I don't want to die. I fear death in a way I cannot explain. When I picture this moment, I see faces before my eyes that beg me to back off the ledge. But I just want - need - to know what it's like. Need to know what it's like that very last second. It is a desire that has overpowered my soul since I can remember, a curiosiy that quite literally killed the cat.
This is it.
I take my last step forward, and I am falling
The first second is overwhelming. My stomach drops as my body does, but that is the only unenjoyable aspect of what I am doing.
I let go of the rope attached to my harness and swing my legs up, intertwining them for dear life on the rope. Even with my body stretched out like this, perpendicular to the ground, I am nowhere near touching it. I am flying horizontally away from the climbing wall from where I jumped.
As my ride on the zip line comes to a slow, I am grabbed by someone and directed to the ladder.
"How was it?!"
Too many words rush through my body: amazing, beautiful, breathtaking, stunning...
My hands sweat with adrenaline as I shakily unclip the carabiners.
I want to cry.
Never have I experienced such a thing. Never have I understood what it meant to die. Never have I fulfilled such a strong desire.
Never has abandoning fear left me so breathless.