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My Movie Friend

Submitted by 4linz.lu on Thu, 04/09/2009 - 8:45pm

you, my friend
are a friend
I hope you don't mind
that I've decided so

you are so nice
that I couldn't ignore you
and that I had to claim you
as mine

so, my friend
please be my friend
like the ones
of movies

let's chat all night
and giggle in class
and at the end
we'll walk off in the sunset

cause you're
my movie friend

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Qwerty's picture

Hehe. This is cute. I kind

Submitted by Qwerty on Fri, 04/10/2009 - 8:31am.

Hehe. This is cute. I kind of like it a lot :)
However, there are a couple minor changes I would make...
I'm all for breaking the rules of grammar in poetry, but the one thing I think you might want to do (to help with the flow of the piece) would be to add a period at the end of the second line... I added one there in my mind and I think it helps the piece move along.
Also, on the second to last line, I never recommend spelling things wrong, but simply for aesthetics and such, I would spell "cause" " 'cuz" I don't know why, and you might disagree, but I think it would just be... right.
_____________________________
“Religion is for people who are scared to go to hell. Spirituality is for people who have already been there.”
-Bonnie Raitt

ASAP: Affluent Students Aspiring for Perspicacity

____________________
-Qwerty

Cuteee

Submitted by CMMOASDK on Fri, 04/10/2009 - 1:00pm.

I agree with the person above me, this is cute. i dont think you need to put period or anything because if its your poem you decide the way of how your saying what you wrote.

Agreed

Submitted by greni19 on Fri, 04/10/2009 - 1:12pm.

I agree with everyone else here! This is a really good piece. It kind of reminds me of like how everybody wants to have one best friend like they do in the movies! This just sums up the whole feeling!

imperfect's picture

This reminds me of the kind

Submitted by imperfect on Fri, 04/10/2009 - 4:25pm.

This reminds me of the kind of books I used to read. There was always a main charecter who was looking for a friend and in the end, that is exactly what they got.

My main suggestion would be, in the third stanza, instead of writing, "so, my friend", maybe you could change it because it kind of tripped me up a bit.

Also, I am a little confuzzled about what you meant. At first I thought you were declaring this person to be your friend, and then you were kind of asking them, and when you think about it, that is a brilliant idea, but if that is what you intended, you should make it stand out some more.

One more thing, I thought that you should capitalize the first letter in every line, its just my pet peeve, but you dont have to.
-Sirius
__________________________________________________________________________
Its OK to have butterflies in your stomach,
Just let them fly in formation.