DAILY READ: The box
By Elena Eames
Dummerston Middle School, Grade 8
An old box in my attic
filled with memories
joyful and harsh times
crammed into a tiny box
sitting in my attic.
I crawled through the stuffy heat, my arms and legs sticky like honey. It sat in the center of the small attic as if it wanted me to wipe off the years of dust and pry it open. Sunlight poured through the tiny window illuminating my newly found treasure. An intricate design was cut into the red wood, an expensive old box, no doubt. I gingerly traced the carved swirls and patterns thinking of who had cherished this box before me, who had hidden their secrets inside it and who had lived and loved and packed their life in a box to be found by me.
Part of me wanted to leave it sitting there, I felt that opening it would be trespassing, as if I were reading their diary. The rest of me yearned to open it, sending electricity through my body. I lifted it off the floor, the lightness surprised me. I shook it gently. Something rattled inside, I gently bent back the top; the hinged creaked, for it had not been opened in quite a long time. The inside was lined with black velvet; a small flicker of a reflection in the corner of the box caught my eye. I picked up a small gold locket on a golden chain. It slid through my fingers; the locket was just larger than my thumbnail; a design was carved on it even more beautifully then the one on the box. I fondled it; the chain, smooth as silk, slinked through my hands.
I heard a thump on the attic ladder. My mom yelled, asking if I had found the box of beach toys for my younger brother. I quickly shoved the locket back in the box and put it in the corner.
“Um. No, I didn't,” I replied, and immediately started searching. I found the box, and brought it downstairs, saving my secret for another day.
Hi Elena, You have
Hi Elena,
You have demonstrated a beautiful way with words - you used descriptive words and phrases very effectively, and did a wonderful job describing the whole scene to me. I liked how you described the objects, and I also liked how you described your feelings. Everything you did painted a vivid picture in my mind.
If you wanted to keep working on the piece, I would suggest continuing the story. Did you ever go back up to the attic to look at the locket again? Were you able to find out anything about the locket, like who it belonged to, and why it was stuck in the attic? Or have you left alone? If so, why? You said in the piece that a part of you felt as though you were trespassing - did this feeling overcome you? If so, why? You did an extremely effective job of making the reader want to know more - so tell us more!
Thank you for writing to us - I hope you keep writing, and I look forward to reading your future work!
-Rebecca
Mentor puts it well...
Rebecca, one of our College Mentors, puts it well this is a nice piece that begs for more! And that's a good job of writing. Nicely done and we're glad to have it and glad to put it out front as a Daily Read.
As I am sure you are new to the site and to the YWP, unfortunately, this has been submitted well after the deadline for this prompt. The page is already being put together, but we will try to have a judge take a look at it and see if we can get it into print.
But this should be a reminder to all of you that when responding to the prompts, make sure you are doing it BEFORE the deadline. If you have questions, click on the PUBLISH tab above and "prompts" in the secondary menu that will appear below it.
Cheers
geoffrey gevalt
Good Job Elena you did a
Good Job Elena you did a wonderful job expressing yourself. I felt like I was the person in the attic. You did a great job using adjectives as well. Keep up the good work.
srry thats a really annoying comment
<3333
Hannah
Great!
Your story about a box was great. You used very descriptive language and some great similies. I love how you described everything because it made it way easier to imagine a picture in my head. Besides describing the attic and the objects, you described your feelings very well too. Hope to see more of your writing on the YWP!
I love it!!!
omg elena this thing is really good. you did a really really good job
<3 kalee
awesome
hey
good job!!!
soo happy u got your piece published!!!!
~jordan
I love it!!!
you did a really good job!
<333 Michelle
awsome
elena it's awsome ur such a good writer
<3 sydney
I really love this. Its
I really love this.
Its insanely good.
<3333333333333
luv it!
hey u did such a good job!!!!!
<333 jordan
awsome
elena it's awsome ur such a good writer
<3 sydney
hey! this is myself on
hey!
this is myself
on magdas name
leaving myself a comment
cuz thats how we do.
cuz magdas not here right now.
lol
ok
bye
SWEET!!
I LOVED IT!!!
IM GOING TO READ IT AGAIN LOL
LOVE IT ELENA
YOUR A GREAT WRITER!!
MUCH LOVE BRI
<333333333333
I <3 it!!
You did a great job expressing yourself!:-P
in other words......
This is amazing!! You are the best writer i know!!!!!!! Well ya......this piece= AMAZING!!!!
<3 Lydia <3
hey great great GREAT!
HEY ELENA,
good job elena this is a great peice of writing!
hehe cant believe you havent found my Ryan Sheckler peice yet!
what you do is you go to athurs then find my name Brianna Snow then click then find the peice o writing with the name of Ryan Sheckler! and ther you are!!!
Im sooo excited about his show cming bck he's sooo hott!!! i mean woweeeeee!!!!! lol
Much love
Bri<333333
hey
i luv that s/n that one person has
hannah_is_a_goddess
anyway i luv this writing too
*Hannah*
:)
hey wow i am really bored and soooo yeah
great job!!! even though i have already commented on this piece already w/e
hahah
*jordan* <3
=[ lanny
lanny im ganna miss you next year waaaaaaaaaa waaaaaaaaaaa<33333333
=[ lanny
lanny im ganna miss you next year waaaaaaaaaa waaaaaaaaaaa<33333333