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So Many Things
I'm so overwhelmed
with life and everything
it's throwing at me
I feel like a failure
unable to complete
simple day to day tasks
without getting turned
around, so badly that
I don't remember, care
where I am, who I am
in this exact moment
some days I don't want
to do it anymore, don't
want to waste the effort
of breathing in and out
carrying on, trudging
through this life as a
ghost to anyone who dare
shift their eyes in my
direction, notice me
I know it would hurt
my family, they've
already lost someone
they loved, but sometimes
I just ask myself if
they would really miss
me or if people would
really care that life was
stricken from such an
ugly and untalented
person who has no friends
no one that she feels
she can talk to, eat
lunch with, feel loved
from without putting on
the mask, the other me
I'm sick of trying to
make myself believe
that I'm beautiful
that I'm worth being
loved, feeling accepted
I'd rather be with my
father at the biggest
party heaven's ever had
I want to be with the
one who made my life
happy, worth living
the pain of losing him
was so unreal, the
one thing I don't
think I'll ever recover
from, the one thing
that keeps the hole
in my heart open, bleeding
with longing to see his
face one more time
hold his hand in mine forever
I never wanted to let
him go, never thought
this would happen to
such an awesome man
such a loving and
devoted father that
would give anything
to make sure his
family was safe,
happy, together and whole
even in death there
was no fear of him
leaving this world to
enter a more spectacular
one, one without pain,
suffering, and tears
Oh how I miss
him wish he were
here to make the
nightmares stop,
make the ghosts
disappear so I didn't
have to endure this
excruciating pain
anymore, I want
someone to hold me
squeeze me into them
and let me cry
on them, fall apart
and be vulnerable without
taking advantage of it;
I want my daddy
oh how I want my daddy
- 6958 of 6990
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fullyalive...
Know that there are many folks in this community who care about you, and who are thinking about you. Give a holler whenever you want. Email, phone, doesn't matter.
As a piece of writing, this is extremely powerful... you have a knack for combining rhythm with your words that help to pace it, drive the emotion deeper. I can feel your pain. I can understand your sorrow.
While I am of a different generation, I can also appreciate the poem on a different level -- My Dad died around this time 22 years ago and I still feel it, still feel this strange emptiness around this time and then I remember why and say, "Oh, OK. Now I know why I've been feeling that way."
But then again each day I visit him. Sometimes it is in dreams, sometimes a memory flashes across my head and it's not a painful thing, it's an appreciative thing. I still feel his strength, his love and it is inside, it is with me.
So hang in there. And don't think you are going it alone.
gg
that was a really good poem!!
that was a really good poem!! it made me cry <3 i love it <3