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Flower: A Villanelle
Flower: A Villanelle
By Sophie Glickman
Leland and Gray High School, Grade 11
Stuck in a bubble of haze
This routine numbs me
Wilted flower in a plastic vase
These halls become a maze
The way through so clear, I can’t see
Stuck in this bubble of haze
Standing in line with red plastic trays
Crowds, noises and smells, now I’m dizzy
Wilted flower in a plastic vase
Friendly, I give and receive praise
But few words really penetrate me
Stuck in a bubble of haze
Laughter comes and goes, frustration stays
Even when I’m fine there’s melancholy
Wilted flower in a plastic vase
I eat the doughnut in its sticky glaze
Thinking of healthier ways to be
I’m stuck in a bubble of haze
A wilted flower in a plastic vase
A Rarity
Ah, the villanelle - a great form that you rarely see. You are brave to take it on. A villanelle is largely about getting those two repeated lines just right, and you do a nice job here with "stuck in a bubble of haze" and "wilted flower in a plastic vase" - the second image, in particular, is quite strong. The conceit of the poem - that is, the extended metaphor - is well crafted too, and certainly evocative of some of the less appealing times in high school.
You seem to be working with a roughly four-beat meter in this poem; perhaps you could spend a little time trying to make your lines work more closely with that rhythm. You are almost there already, but your stresses vary and there are a few lines that don't quite fit. Meter is tough, but it can be rewarding when you get it right.
Excellent work!