Paralizing Fear

Heart pumping
so hard I'm afraid it might burst.
Every breath of air is hard,
I'm gulping,
gulping,
gulping
and I can't seem to get any air.
The world is swirling around me,
evrything is a blur of motion and sound
and I can't stop turning in circles
and hyperventalating.

I'm so scared

It wasn't meant to happen,
I didn't mean to,
please believe me mommy when you
check my wrists tonight.
It was an accident,
I lost control for only a brief
moment.
Now my throat is constricting
and I can't seem to breathe.
My heart is pumping a million miles a minute,

I'm so scared

I'm gripped by this paralizing fear
of being discovered and taken away.
Please daddy believe me when I say this,
I didn't mean it,
I just lost control.
Please don't send me away
to that place for people who can't live anymore,
I can,
trust me.

I'm so scared

There has got to be a way to hide
the blood that is dripping
down my arms and off my fingertips
like little, red raindrops.
It's not stopping and I don't want to be caught,
I don't want to go to the hospital
and then the home for those suicidal kids.
I don't want to live with the druggies
and eating disorder kids.
Please mommy and daddy,
help me.

I'm so scared

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