Watching the Music

1) Eyes Open
When I listen to music
with my eyes open,
I only hear the music.
I watch the musicians,
I see the players moving,
bowing and breathing and fingering,
and the actual sound
just acts as
background noise.
I can clearly see the
violin players moving
their bows, and
what I hear
matches what I see:
fingers move, and
the note changes.

2) Eyes Closed
But when I listen to
the same music with
my eyes closed,
I don't only hear the music;
I see the music.
I feel the music.
I can actually see
waves of sound
from behind closed eyelids.
So I sit with
my eyes closed,
and I watch the
music go by.

3) Watching the Music
I have no words
to describe what
I see when I
watch the music
with my eyes closed,
so why do I still
feel compelled to try?
Because I think that
maybe if I can
get close to a
good explanation,
others can get
a little closer
to understanding me.

4) Describing the Music
I see the notes
as physical things.
Things that
take up space in the air.
Things that
have no definite shape.
Things that
have no definite colour.
Things that
move, and
things that
disappear and reappear.
Things that
are sometimes
big and fat and round.
Things that
are sometimes
small and needle-sharp.
Things that
slowly ribbon across
my line of sight.
Things that
waltz and mourn
in shades of
blacks and greys.
Things that
tango passionately
with overtones
of champagne.
Things that
are sharp and pointy
on some notes, and
smooth and silky
on other notes.
Things that
sometimes flow gently
in purples and blues
along sine waves.
Things that
sometimes show up
in sporadic bursts
of bright reds and oranges,
randomly, high up in the air,
or low down
beneath my vision.
With my eyes closed,
my eyeballs move
to follow these
jumpy notes.
Things that
move in the way that we read,
from left to right.
Each passage
starts far left, and
my eyes follow it
all the way
to the right.
Each passage,
each measure,
each note
has a presence,
takes up space
somewhere in the air.

5) Trying
Trying to describe
something that
we have no
words for
is extremely difficult,
but here I sit,
still trying.

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