Here is the mutiny I promised you. (work in progress)
This one is really struggling. I would appreciate any help that anyone has to offer.
I wasn't angry with you for turning 21. You cannot get angry with someone for something as trivial as aging just like you can't get angry with someone for something as trivial as a broken espresso machine.
Still you yelled and still I yelled until the house that we would never share was filled with words that neither of us wanted to say and we didn't go to sleep angry because one of the things we always had in common was that neither of us could sleep when we were angry. Instead of sleeping was sat in the living room. Opposite sides of the singular couch that was placed in the middle of the floor as we let the news spill out onto the floor in front of us.
We probably should have been thinking about the news. Thinking about the hurrican victims, poverty, people with cancer, people without health insurance, but another thing that we always had in common was that we were really bad about thinking of people and things other than ourselves and what was happening right here and right now.
Some would call this way of thinking an asset. We're always appreciating what's going on, we're never wishing for what could've happened and we're never yearning for what might happen. Some would call this way of thinking a curse. When something bad is happening, something really bad is happening and you are trapped in that moment. There's no escaping that moment because your mind won't let you wander. Your mind won't let you go to your cave or your meadow or wherever normal people go when they feel as though their heads are going to explode. You're stuck with the moment and you're stuck in your head.
Looking back I think that our problem was that we were both stuck in our own heads and not enough in each others. Staying up late at night and talking and talking and talking and we would never get anywhere we would always just be on the surface and I was so upset with you, so upset that you wouldn't let us get there that you kept closing me out and all this time I never realized that I was just as guilty as you.
(work in progress)