Other Reads:  Daily Reads |  Recommended |  Audio  |  Genres |  Newspaper Submissions   |  About Us

grounds

RogueArtist's picture
Submitted by RogueArtist on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 6:04pm

 Your tender skin is weathering
& damned if you'll take another
on the chin.

Every time you're throwing dirt
you're losing ground.
I'm not the one you want to hurt
but I'm the only one around

& you're losing ground.

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
McWriter's picture

Rogue.

Submitted by McWriter on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 8:03pm.
I am... so impressed with your writing of late.
 
This is rather breath-taking in its brevity. It's harsh, but in just the right way. The only suggestion I have for this is a stylistic one. Personally, I'm of the opinion that commas at line breaks are almost redundant in a way. They both imply a pause, so I just feel like the commas are unnecessary. If you like it, by all means it's your call, but I think the piece would be just as powerful if you removed the comma after "Every time you're throwing dirt".
 
Again, this is really a striking piece. Well done.

 

Ta.

RogueArtist's picture

McWriter--

Submitted by RogueArtist on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 5:16pm.

Thank you. I'm glad you've liked it & I changed the comma...(because I agree.) Glad you took your time to write a comment. It's appreciated. 

Rogue