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Somewhere Between

Ophelia's picture
Submitted by Ophelia on Wed, 12/07/2011 - 6:01pm

Somewhere between 

the land and the sea

I'm still waiting for you

Do you still wait for me?

 

Somewhere between

the grey mists of time

There's a little toy soldier 

with dust in his eyes

 

Somewhere behind 

the ribbon of truth

There's a gold laying hen

and a fountain of youth

 

It's all there, I promise

If you take my hand

We'll go somewhere between

the sea and the land

 

 

 

 

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imperfect's picture

somwhere between

Submitted by imperfect on Thu, 12/08/2011 - 1:16pm.

This is so beautiful. I absolutely love this. I can't even criticize it. :)

I really liked how you used

Submitted by akeaton13 on Thu, 12/08/2011 - 6:57pm.

I really liked how you used the same line "somewhere between" in your first two paragraphs. As a reader it gave the poem a solid foundation. I was intrigued by the soldier and hen, I was left imaging where this place may exist? One suggestion I might make would be at add more descriptive language to let the readers get a vision of what you were envisioning when you write this.