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None

fluffykittyninja's picture

 

I don’t know what I’m turning into

A monster it seems

Trusting people I shouldn’t

Hoping it’ll turn into my dream.

But it’ll crumble at my feet,

Plummet to its death,

Fill me with emptiness

And take my last breath.

It might even fill me with a poison

Watch me suffer in my pain

As my heart rate slowly stops

And I slowly go insane.

It’ll build up the walls,

And let no one inside

Then have Goliath crash upon the walls

And leave me to hide.

It’ll take away the fear

And bring me the pride

But it’ll snatch it back as quick as it came

And leave me aside.

It will shoot me through the heart

With nothing but a lie

It will look me in the eyes and say

“Who was your ally?”

But I won’t have an answer

Fore there never was one

Now ask me who my enemies were

Let me lie and say none.

 

 

 

 

 

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imperfect's picture

None

I love how emotional this is. It's definitely something I can relate to. I like the part about Goliath, I think that is a great analogy. The only suggestion I would have is to make it more rythmic, and maybe say it out loud and try and decide what could make it flow better. But you really got your point across and I loved reading it. Beautiful

The Music Man's picture

You...

You're me, as I am you in terms of writing. Except, for me my curse has already scarred me. I can really relate, And I think you're a really good writer.

*In lack of a better comment*

None - LOVE IT!

I love the style. And the use of monsters and Goliath, and how lies change and hurt.

imagine11's picture

wowza!

that was great!!!

~Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you will land among the stars!~

jskater's picture

Nice :)

First I just want to say that I love how it rhymes, and I really liked the poem in general. Oh yeah and I like you screen name to ;) I wish i could see a fluffy kitty ninja.......

-Jenna Bourdeau ;D