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I don’t know what I’m turning into
A monster it seems
Trusting people I shouldn’t
Hoping it’ll turn into my dream.
But it’ll crumble at my feet,
Plummet to its death,
Fill me with emptiness
And take my last breath.
It might even fill me with a poison
Watch me suffer in my pain
As my heart rate slowly stops
And I slowly go insane.
It’ll build up the walls,
And let no one inside
Then have Goliath crash upon the walls
And leave me to hide.
It’ll take away the fear
And bring me the pride
But it’ll snatch it back as quick as it came
And leave me aside.
It will shoot me through the heart
With nothing but a lie
It will look me in the eyes and say
“Who was your ally?”
But I won’t have an answer
Fore there never was one
Now ask me who my enemies were
Let me lie and say none.
- fluffykittyninja's blog
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I love how emotional this is. It's definitely something I can relate to. I like the part about Goliath, I think that is a great analogy. The only suggestion I would have is to make it more rythmic, and maybe say it out loud and try and decide what could make it flow better. But you really got your point across and I loved reading it. Beautiful
You...
You're me, as I am you in terms of writing. Except, for me my curse has already scarred me. I can really relate, And I think you're a really good writer.
*In lack of a better comment*
None - LOVE IT!
I love the style. And the use of monsters and Goliath, and how lies change and hurt.
wowza!
that was great!!!
~Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you will land among the stars!~
Nice :)
First I just want to say that I love how it rhymes, and I really liked the poem in general. Oh yeah and I like you screen name to ;) I wish i could see a fluffy kitty ninja.......
-Jenna Bourdeau ;D