Stupid Jokes

Things That Could Probably Be Good Jokes If a Little More Thought Was Put Into Them:

 --- I am severely allergic to peanuts, but only if I ingest them. Same way I am with dogs.

 --- My cat Taco doesn't taste as good as he sounds.

 --- Lately I've been using this new chapstick. It's called, uh, Elmer's Glue.

 --- I wouldn't want to rule the world. Maybe the phone company, not the world.

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Things I Do When I Have Too Much Sugar:

 --- Hang live cheetahs by their tails to the branches of my neighbor's maple tree.

 --- Give real depression medication to depressed people and say they're placebos.

 --- Pretend that red lights are green lights just for fun.

 --- Have more sugar.

 --- Say really dirty things to people on the street using mental telepathy.

 --- Throw rocks at seagulls.

 --- Throw seagulls at rocks.

Observations and Spectulations:

 --- Why do people make "kick me" signs? You have to go through the trouble of sneaking it onto your target's back. I just walk up really close to the guy with a sign on my back that says "kick the guy standing right next to me."

 --- I heard a guy on the bus say, "Man, I'm really good at checkers." Which is the same as saying, "Man, I'm not good at a lot of things."

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Awesome Jokes by Awesome People:

 --- Every fight is a food fight if you're a cannibal.

 --- When I was a kid I had a quicksand box. I was an only child. Eventually...

 --- A refridgerator is the opposite of a drug addict. Because a refridgerator starts in a cardboard box and moves to a house.

 --- When I was younger, I read through the whole dictionary because I thought it was a poem about everything.

 --- My watch is three hours slow and I can't fix it. So I'm going to move to California.

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Things I don't Want My Doctor To Say:

 --- Nice knowin' ya.'

 --- Lemme try something out...

 --- Oh, crap. You haven't take those pills yet, have you?

 --- My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

 --- I like blood.

 --- At least you have the other kidney.

 --- Wait, you think I'm a doctor?

 --- I know you think you're a boy...

 --- You're just going to feel a slight pinch. Followed by the most excruciating pain you will ever endure as a human being.

 --- You have two minutes to live. Pay before you leave.

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this is not finished

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