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The Boxwood Tree
tell me, won't you, did you see
the lady in the boxwood tree;
she rained on you & she rained on me
& she rained a song in a minor key
for me, for you, for free
now there's the space of a bottomless sea
'tween now and the days of the boxwood tree
she's locked the door, but not tossed the key
on rain & songs in a minor key
for me, for her, in her tree
she loves you as dear, as dear as me
though you too have left the boxwood tree
in search of ways to be big & free
& now she cries, she cries a sea
for her, for you, for the tree
I don't know quite who she could be,
living up there in the boxwood tree—
a muse, or love, or a rush of glee
but her song was sweet and her song was free
for us, for the world, in a minor key
she wanted to go across the sea
to see how others think and breathe
she'd be beautiful & alone & free
far, so far, from the boxwood tree
from me, from you, across the sea
but she's not quite sure, so she waits, you see,
still raining there in the boxwood tree
alone, hoping for you or me
to come back for her rain & her haunting key
for me, for you, for free.
- River's blog
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Great!
I really like this. It intrigues me, and I just love what you've done with the rhyming pattern. I think it takes talent to be able to rhyme something without it sounding cheesy or superficial, and you've accomplished just that. Can I ask the inspirtation? Great Job!
-Taf
:D
Thanks! I'm glad you liked this. To be quite honest, there wasn't really anything that inspired this— it just came to me. :)
Thanks for the comment!
-LN
I'm not trying to ruin anybody's life. Sometimes I'm just really, really bad at doing people favors.
So I've noticed in poking
So I've noticed in poking around your blog that you like to write without formal form - which is awesome, most of the time, but I think that this piece would actually benefit from having some structure to it. The gentle, almost sing-song cadence of it comes from the repetition of sounds, which is exactly what poetic structure is meant to enhance in many ways. It has an almost-structure already, but I think pushing it a little farther could make it pretty spectacular.
What you have now could lend itself beautifully to a sestina (if you're not familiar with the form, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sestina, and I put a could that I wrote in high school on my blog).
If you're up for a challenge, the easy rhymes (see/tree/sea/me/key/free) make a villanelle a distinct possibility. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Villanelle)