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her invisible footprints
she was looking up at the sun that was just slipping away
behind the mountains and she wanted to follow it, she wanted
to chase it and see where it hid so she could hide there too
where nobody could find her,
not that anyone would care, but she was
bound by her mistakes to the earth so she couldn't go
run away with the sun and dance with the moon, she couldn't
hide behind the mountains where nobody would find her.
and the worst part wasn't that she was stuck in the middle
of somewhere that she wanted to leave, the worst part was that
nobody seemed to notice her straining against everything she had ever
done, said, written, read
and nobody seemed to care that she just wanted to run away and hide
behind the mountains she would look at late into the night, wondering
if she could only slip behind them how her life would be different, if she
could only tip toe out of her room and down the dirt road and disappear
late one summer night and join the stars and the moon up in the sky
because that is all she has wanted to do these last few weeks;
disappear.
sometimes it even feels like she has, feels like nobody
even notices that she is struggling to make ends meet and that she
is trying to run away, that she is trying to make herself disappear
because she knows that they look at her without seeing her, they look right
through her like she is invisible and it breaks her heart everytime
and the people she used to call her friends
now act like she is nothing to them and she ends up in the front
of the classroom listening to them talk while she works all alone
on the lab that they just completed together because she can't change
lab partners this late in the year and its not like anyone would take her anyway.
so she lays in the long grass and cuddles with her old teddy bear
as she thinks of how she could just slip away in the night, leaving nothing
behind that would tell where she went because she is only a shadow
anyway and stopped leaving footprints a long time ago.
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AT
Dude.
This is so beautiful and so sad. I would not change a thing, honestly. It is perfect in its heartbreak.
I think your writing has matured a lot since I have known you.
In particular, I love the first few lines of the second stanza. They evoke a sort of wanderlust. I know that's not exactly what you're aiming for, but I can just see the girl in this poem getting in the car and just driving away, forever and ever and ever.
(And as for the third stanza... let's remember, we kind of had English homework to do. We rather love you, you know, even if it doesn't always seem apparent to you.)
3G
really? thank you so much!! i'm blushing right now :)
[in response to your comment about the third stanza; i know you guys do, i just put it in because i thought it worked with the poem and i was really feeling it you know?]
At first, I thought the part
At first, I thought the part about the lab report was kind of out of the tone of the rest of the piece, but then I realized that it adds a dimension of reality and relatabilty to the poem, and takes it out of the abstract realm, which makes it very powerful to me. I thought this was great.
If you want to view paradise, simply look around, and you will. Anything you want to... do it. Want to change the world? There's nothing to it.
Poem feedback
The angst and raw emotion in your piece cuts me to the core. I enjoyed how you paired the mountains and the sun with the narrators emotions to provide the reader with a tangable connection to the feelings of the narrator. I was impressed by your ability to capture raw emotion about feelings of abandonment and a lack of acceptance in the world with metaphors as describtive devices. You have been able to take absract concepts and somehow make them relatable to anyone who has ever felt passed over- invisible. There are a few grammatical errors, but other than that your poem is very powerful. Keep up the good work!!