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Confused

Ciel the Sky Mortal's picture
Submitted by Ciel the Sky Mortal on Sat, 04/21/2012 - 8:52am

I am confused

Not the droll kind

The desperate kind

I just don’t understand

I wake up in a panic at night

Nothing makes sense to me

I can’t remember why

I don’t understand

I am confused

 

Help me

Help me get a grip

Reality slips past me rapidly

Without any resistance from me

I can’t see what’s happening anymore

Everything is just a blur now

My memories aren’t there

My reality is wrong

I don’t know

Anymore

 

By day

I feel alright

By nighttime though

My sense of life is lost

I don’t know if it was ever there

Or if it was just a dream

Like everything else

Just a dream again

In moments

Of panic

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Ciel-

Submitted by Nyx on Sat, 04/21/2012 - 10:04am.

This is great!

I love the way that it just sort of flows. From on line to the next without awkwardness. And I'm not sure if it was intentional or not, but I really like the repetitiveness of 'dream' in the last stanza. Sometimes repetition can get a bit...annoying but I sort of love the way it works here.

My only suggestion is perhaps switching the word funny, in the first stanza, (not the funny kind), to amusing. In my opinion, funny is just to obvious and expected of a word. So many try amusing or another synonym?

But over all, nice!

Ciel the Sky Mortal's picture

Thanks

Submitted by Ciel the Sky Mortal on Sat, 04/21/2012 - 1:57pm.

Thanks for the feedback and sugestions! Much appreciated. Glad you liked it, and I shall take into consideration your suggestion :)

"Even if it lands you in a straight jacket or a padded cell, play the game, but play it your own way."