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Sage of Poetry
I was walking on the edge of the world
of language, meter, and rhyme
when I met an old man walking too,
as he had been for some time.
His wrinkled skin, pulled twice too tight
from aging twice too slowly,
just made him look that much more wise,
even- dare I?- holy.
I grabbed his arm as he went past
and roughly shook his hand.
I stared into his crinkled eyes.
"Teach me everything you can!"
He gently pried my fingers off
and straightened out his coat,
puffing on an old cigar,
his face shrouded in smoke.
"Poetry ain't easy, kid,
and life's her G-D- mother."
He looked at me with crinkled eyes,
unblinking, through the smother,
then winked at me, saluted once,
and slowly turned around,
leaving me in blank confusion,
staring at the ground.
"That's it?!" I cried into the void
into which he was disappearing.
His words hung in the smoky air,
an echo I keep hearing.
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Love it
I love it! This is great. I have to say, honestly, that the very first line is my least favorite. It doesn't invite the reader into the rhythm, so they first time you read the first stanza it is hard to get the beat down correctly. I think that there is one too many syllables. I was thinking maybe getting rid of "world" and saying something like "I was tiptoeing along the edge/ of language meter and rhyme." or, keeping it a little closer "Walking along the edge of the world/..."
Just a thought, I really loved this poem. Keep up the good work.
If you want to view paradise, simply look around, and you will. Anything you want to... do it. Want to change the world? There's nothing to it.
Thanks!
I did have a lot of trouble with meter and rhythm with this one, though. It was more of a forced poem than one that just flowed. Reading back through, I am noticing some pretty big rhythmical errors that I will probably correct.
Thanks for the advice!
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"Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”
Reminds me of “the Leech-Gatherer"
by Wordsworth, although your symbolism is much more direct. I like your rhythm—did you intend the first stanza to have a different meter from the others?
Haha
Haha, nope. That was an accident that I didn't notice until now. I might go back and fix it...
I've never read that Wordsworth piece, but I'm going to go look it up. :)
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"Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”