So Let It Rain [the only time I truly live]

at that moment,

I died a million times

shed a million tears

screamed a million screams

cursed a million curses

but when I opened my eyes

you were still gone.

now I sit on my bed

stare out the window

long hair blowing

in the soft summer breeze

red lips pursed

from trying not to cry anymore.

but the tears are inevitable

and so they fall silently like rain

streaming down my cheeks

mascara running.

and I think of you

how you would laugh 

when I would cry

and how you,

so brave,

wouldn't even flinch if a spider

was crawling up your arm,

but would have nightmares so bad,

that you would wake up

in the middle of the night,

scared by your own scream.

I miss your laugh

your smile

your tears

your pain

your smell 

[oh, your smell,

like you had been out walking in a forest

in the rain]

your eyes

your lips

your touch

your hands

[twice as big as mine]

outside my window

real rain joins my tears

so my tears just come harder.

you loved the rain

the warm summer rain

we would go out together

and you would twirl me around

my dress billowing out around my knees.

our first kiss 

was in the rain

the first time 

you really touched me

and my heart soared

but that was only

two weeks ago and the accident

the horrible accident

and the phone call.

when I found out,

in that moment

I died a million times

shed a million tears

screamed a million screams

cursed and million curses.

but now I sit

calm 

watching the rain fall

and I live again.

so let it rain.

[the only time

I truly have something

to live for]

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