Names have been changed for my privacy and there's
Sweat dribbles down your face and I wipe it away with my hand. You smile at me and pull me to you by my arm. I thought you were going to kiss me but you put your mouth next to my ear and whispered to me.
"Stop mothering me." You laughed but I sat there horrified.
"I wasn't mothering you," I protest but you only laugh harder. "Stop that! You know It wasn't like that." I say and I hit you with my shoe.
"Oh yea? Then what was it like?" You stop laughing and stare deep into me.
I hadn't thought about what my words could have led to. I was saying it for arguments sake. Now what do I say? What if he...what if I say the wrong thing? My hearts pounding louder and I can't hear my thoughts. Your noticing my hesitation and I start to feel my face turn red. Sweat falls down my face and I am lost for words. You lean forward again and wipe the sweat away.
"Like as a friend?" You say.
"Yes." I say almost to releived and quickly.
"You had me going there for a second." You chuckled and I fake smiled to soften my mood.
We sit silently and I don't know what to say the more I show emotion the more the intimidation heats up. I feel like you've thrown me in the oven for 350. As usual, you notice how I am unsettled and lean away. I space out and almost don't hear what you say.
"Did I do something?" You ask seeming more concerened then you had planned.
"No," I snapped." I mean..." I wasn't sure how to explain my doings.
What was wrong with me? I need to pull myself together. Your just friends and he knows that. I start to give myself a little pep talk and explain to myself a way out. You just need to get over the fact that he likes the other girl. That your out of the picture and he doesnt even know your name. I try and try but I keep getting back to every time you looked at me. You looked at me like no one else did.
"Somethings up," You looked up at me with those piercing eyes. "You can't hide anything." You try and push a sheepish grin but you fail miserably.
"Nothing, just my stomach is a little uneasy." I try to enforce my lame attempt and grab my stomach.
I know your not going give up till you find up whats wrong with me. Why I am acting so weird all the time. I wasn't going to tell you. I say to myself. Don't give in.
"Nice try, but I could see through your lies any day." You smile and managed to make me smile, for real, too.
"Its just," I pause to look at you." Well you know." I hoped it would make him infer and I would just go with his first guess.
"I don't," Damn, you didn't catch the bait." Just tell me."
"You do know." I spit out and I try to shove the words back down my throat.
"Give me a hint?" You say leaning back.
"Celia." As soon as the word escaped my mouth I wanted to get up and run.
"What about her?" Your face goes red and you look drained.
"Forget I said it." I yank my things to me but you pull them back
"Stop pulling the words back to you. God damn it Lucy," I almost jumped at your tone and I feel myself glued to the ground." Your always running away once you speak. You can't take back what you started."
"I-I-I..." I stutter and stumble and I can't beleive what I have started saying.
"You what?" Your tone is just as annoyed.
"I am jealous." My throat drys and I know I won't be able to speak.
"Of Celia?" Your speaking quietly now.
I nod because I am unsure if I open my mouth if I will speak.
"But why? It's not like we don't talk." Your confused.
"Right now we are because shes not here." I am surprised by how I just said it and by the fact I said anything.
"That's not true-" You begin.
"But it is. She's like a new toy to you and both of you are eating each others company likes its 25 cents."Now it's my turn to raise my voice.
"She is not!" Your fighting for her.
"That, that right there." I say almost whispering.
Without realizing I can feel my eyes getting wet and blurry. I am about to cry, I've never cried in front of you. I yank my things from his clutches and stumble to my feet. I trip as I walk and land on the ground five feet away. I tell myself to hold it in but it comes pouring out. I pull my stuff back to me to put in my bag. I hear your foot steps behind me. I chant in my head don't look. You kneel next to me and since I won't look at you, you make me. You put your hand under my face and lift it up.
"Jesse, I'm sorry. I didn't mean-" I say gasping between sniffles.
"No, it's my fault for not noticing your pain. Its like I left our friendship stranded."
"That's not it." I say and another tear falls.
"Then what is it?" You say softly.
"I am jealous because I love you." Before I can let you speak I put my hands on your neck and pull you to me.
I kiss you with tears running down my face. I force myself to not pull away out of fear. After a few moments later I release and grab my bag and begin to run. Inside my head I can hear you saying, "Your always running away once you speak. You can't take back what you said."