Is this what it feels like to really cry?
We stand in the middle of the soccer field. The place that we met, the place that in just one season we became as close a sisters. Right now it looks like nothing. No fans, or goals, or painted white lines. It’s empty. Its empty of athletes hearts full of love for the sport. Neither of us speak, we stand in silence remembering the day we met and the games we played. We were nothing when we started. On the first day, our coach threw us in midfield together, expecting us to lead our team. But we did not know each other, we wanted nothing to do with each other. But now, its amazing what has happened. She can read me better than a book now. And I catch the moments when her personal life is spiraling downward. We are nothing less than sisters now.
Though this is goodbye, whether it is just for the summer or forever. I am graduating and she still has one more year. This is goodbye. We still don’t speak, it would hurt to much. We connect our eyes and tears start falling from mine. But for her, just one swell of water, but once I see it, it leaves. She does not cry. She never cries around me. I know her life, and that before she goes to bed, it brings her to tears, she does not know what to do with it. So she hides, behind a plastic fake smile. For me, I am an open book, a stranger walking down the road could see what I am feeling. She is strong for me.
She slowly takes out the necklace I gave her. It lays on her chest, underneath her shirt. Fingering it, she flashing it towards me. In one small whisper, she says, "This is not forever." Nodding at me, she turns and slowly walks away.
When she disappears behind the trees, I fall to the ground digging my fingers into the dirt. It is a recap of what happened 11 months ago when I hurt myself. But this time, she does not come me. She does not know that my heart is breaking. I try to ease the tears that fall in a rush like a waterfall from my eyes. But it does not work.
To no one I say, "Is this what it feels like, to really cry?"