The Lady Lost

Very cool poem. I read it through a couple times, and your rhythm for the most part is really good! My favorite line is: "Death took its prize despite/ My efforts brave and bold."

The transition from the third stanza to the fourth is a little off, so maybe just play with that and see what you can do to make it flow a little better. (I think it might have thrown me off because it is not a complete sentence or thought and trails into the next, whereas the ones before it don't do that.)

Again, great piece!

Thanks so much for the advice! I agree, that bit is a little choppy. Ill probably have to think about that a bit more, seeing as its a rhyming poem, but I certainly agree. I'm not sure if a comma would help...?

You already know that I love that poem. There was one line I thought you could edit a little bit. " As she had known when in bed she lay" I would switch the wording around a little bit in that line so hat the rhythm stays steady. You might change it to "As she had known laying in bed" or something like that, the last word being "bed". 

Good Job. It really is a beautiful poem!

It is really awesome, as we discussed. The first line is a little iffy, but the rest is amazing!

The line "she is not lost but shall never be found" just doesn't seem to fit right. I don't exactly agree with Golaifja, I think that line is perfectly fine.

I still love this a lot!

Yeah, I don't like that one very much either. hmmmm.....

I changed "she is not lost but shall never be found" to "she has gone and cannot be found" I also added a comma after because.