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Patches and Pieces
Ever since you were young,
everyone saw it.
That sparkle in your eye, the amusement in your innocent smile, infectious laughter. Carefree and bold, running fast and free with the world at the raspberry stained tips of your fingers.
Everyone adored it.
Through the middle school years, you remained uninfluenced, a butterfly whose wings felt cramped but nevertheless used the space wisely. Continuing to shine, sailing on the praise and appreciation from others. Feeling free and true to yourself, confidence bursting through that slightly crooked smile.
Everyone admired it.
High school came, a time for change and development. You lit up a room with your sparkling, warm brown eyes. Surrounded by a new environment, new people, new expectations. The determination and passion you possessed was appealing to your peers and mentors, ensuring your success from the start.
Everyone wanted it.
And now you spread yourself paper thin, your time and effort. 100% spent daily, yet never meeting demands. The drive dwindles, the sparkle fades, the smile becomes forced because, with all this 'new', this is the new normal. Everybody just wants and wants and wants constantly. Patches and pieces of an unbalanced lifestyle, remaining goals and dreams are what hold together all that remains.
Everyone took it.
This time its you who takes control, revaluating your priorities and decisions. It's shocking to you how you've allowed things to spiral out of control, transforming yourself into an unrecognizeable surrogate. There's no time to look back, only to look now and to look forward. Your tarnished traits still ring true despite their overuse or surpression. Eventually the sparkle returns, powered by the motivation of inspiration. At last, with such brilliant genuinity, the smile returns...
For everyone to see.
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Sparks...
What I like most about this is the perspective... unusual and fresh. The idea that what people do to us is want and demand and expect and that translates into our actions and our stretching ourselves "paper thin", as you put it. I like, too the idea that when you get so busy, you don't reflect, you don't look back. I would disagree with you slightly, though, because I also think that when you are overspent, over committed, over wrought, you also don't look forward, except to some imagined moment of balance...
I liked the structure of this as well.
My only suggestions might be this... I'd make your "and now you spread yourself... paragraph more compressed, faster-paced. take out some of the full sentences and make them fragments... I want to feel the pressure....
So this ...
And now you spread yourself paper thin, your time and effort. 100% spent daily, yet never meeting demands. The drive dwindles, the sparkle fades, the smile becomes forced because, with all this 'new', this is the new normal. Everybody just wants and wants and wants constantly. Patches and pieces of an unbalanced lifestyle, remaining goals and dreams are what hold together all that remains.
... becomes something like this:
And now you spread yourself thin, paper thin, time and effort 100% a day, every day, never keeping up, never meeting demands. Your drive dwindles, sparkle fades, smile forced, the "new" is the new normal and everyboy just wants and wants and wants. Constant. Life is patches, pieces, goals and dreams barely holding you together....
I am interested in your use of the second person. I think it works, but it does separate you from the narration a bit. But again, I think it works.
Finally, the last paragraph... I'm not sure how you pull it together. what happens? you need to show me that something snaps, or you have a sudden insight, you catch yourself, you recover...
thanks so much for sharing this.
gg