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I'd like to thank the little girl with the violet eyes

zeusfireair's picture

 

I’d like to thank the little girl with the violet eyes.

I’d like to thank you for all that you’ve done for me so far, and will hopefully continue to do.

I’d like to thank you for all the help you’ve given me, and for the borrowed courage.

This is my way of thanking you, little girl with the violet eyes.

 

No one notices her until she’s long past gone, when her work with you is done.

She’s the one who stands behind the curtain, and pushes you out, out onto the stage.

She’s the one who hands you the rocks on the beach, the ones you throw into the ocean because you’re angry at first, but soon you’ve forgotten why, and you just throw them to throw them.

She’s the one who lends you courage to use for a while.

She’s the one who pulls you off the sinking ship onto a floating log, and guides you to shore.

She’s the one whose shoulder you can cry on, when luck doesn’t go your way.

She’s the one who holds your hand, and teaches you to fly.

She’s the one, that little girl with the violet eyes, who teaches you to become who you are.

She may not have a body, but for right now, she’s the little girl with the violet eyes.

She may not be able to hand you the rocks on the beach in person, it may be a sibling or a stranger.

She may not be the shoulder you can cry on, it might be a friend or a foe, but I’m sure every last one of us has had an encounter with you, the little girl with the violet eyes.

 

So I thank you little girl with those violet eyes.

I sing out my thanks to you.

I sing it out to the ocean, and the water holds it close.

I sing out my song to the hills, and the animals sing it back to me.

I sing out my song to the sky, and the wind picks it up and carries it.

I sing out my thanks, I sing out my song.

So thank you.

 

 

~zeus

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zeusfireair's picture

I'm kind of sad that this hasn't gotten any attention

I feel like this piece was my best work so far, and literally nobody read it. I'm just sad now. 

 

"For the first time in her life, death knew what it felt like to have a dog on her lap." -Death with Interruptions, José Saramago

Well, I like it.

I didn't notice it before, and there's definitely a lot that goes by every day. So don't take it personally. In addition, there's a vaguely theistic, if decidedly original, theme, which may have scared people off of consideration and dicussion. This girl, who seems poised between being a distinct deity and a nonexistent but relatable personification, doesn't fit into any mainstream religion (or atheistic school of thought), so it's tricky to establish a frame to consider her in.

The omnipresent-vignette device feels familiar, I think from religious text (Thou who doth this and abideth with the most wretched of that, etc.), but I like your choices of the specific scenes you sketch in the second stanza ("[s]he's the one..."). I admit that the sermonly deism at the end of that stanza puts me on edge a little. Was that subtle confrontation your intent? The last stanza confirms the feel of a traditional paean.

Sorry this evaded our collective notice!

 

zeusfireair's picture

hmm....

Well, I just wrote on a whim , and didn't have a very concrete idea of what I was writing, just that I wanted to write. This is what came out. I did notice an almost religious feel to it, but I didn't think that it would be so off-putting. Thanks for the feedback!

 

"For the first time in her life, death knew what it felt like to have a dog on her lap." -Death with Interruptions, José Saramago

Ciel the Sky Mortal's picture

This is great

I'm sorry this hasn't gotten much attention too! This is a great piece in my opinion. It has a deep meaning to it while flowing wonderfully and giving clear concise images in the readers mind. You did a great job making it relatable, like we all know this girl with the violet eyes. It's like, correct me if I'm wrong, you've personified that little voice, courage, if you will, in the back of our minds that compels us to move, to stand up, to be brave; the consolidating figure that we all tell our sorrows too, even if we feel we're talking to ourselves. I can see Candlelight's opinion on the religious aspects of the piece, though I can say I agree. I didn't really feel like it was referring to a deity, more like, hrmm... your conscience? for lack of a better word. This is a great piece, I enjoyed reading it!

And I do find that it is our more compulsive out-of-the-blue writing where we don't really know where we're going going or where we're going to end up that is our best.

Great job!

"Even if it lands you in a straight jacket or a padded cell, play the game, but play it your own way."

zeusfireair's picture

I do believe you have captured

I do believe you have captured exactly what was going through my mind when I was writing this. I believe it kind of was an allude to conscience. Thanks for the feedback!

 

"For the first time in her life, death knew what it felt like to have a dog on her lap." -Death with Interruptions, José Saramago