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The Almost Love Story

Submitted by Mr. Tuna on Wed, 07/25/2012 - 2:50am

 

There once was a boy named Rob

Whose heart would always throb,

For days on end unable to mend

His love for Sam, his friend.

This friend, you see

was young as he

yet didn’t quite feel the same,

And because of this, himself he’d blame,

For the lonesome guilt he felt these days;

For why love her, of everyone this mighty world displays?

The walks, the games the things they spent doing together as friends,

Was all forever lost upon this dream Rob always tends.

One day Rob knew he had to tell, Sam how he felt for her,

So he went up and began to talk but it all came out a sputter.

He tried and tried and tried again to explain to her his dream,

But she rejected and told him that for who she liked was Liam.

 

Years had passed and Sam and Liam had now moved on again,

Yet poor old Rob who still liked Sam was still yet just a friend.

But after years of knowing Rob, Sam’s love for him sunk in,

She loved him, but thought no way could he love her again.

They loved each other but neither would bother to mention it to the other.

So life moved on but their love always stayed and they forever yearned each other.

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piepie66's picture

Really Deep

Submitted by piepie66 on Wed, 07/25/2012 - 2:51pm.

Hi!

This is really deep and emotional poetry. I really like it! I do think you should read it though and see if you can make it flow more. Really good!

Leah<3

Writing is not writing if it doesn't come from the heart <3

lol

Submitted by Mr. Tuna on Wed, 07/25/2012 - 11:11pm.

yeah, i know haha i wrote this in a rush. :P not nearly my best if you read my previous ones but it's my first poem in the past year. itwas kinda a poem just getting me back into the swing of things and such ya know? didn't spend too much time on it, usually i write it then just over the next few days correct little things and improve it after i spend a little bit thinking on ways that would work. i don't normally write in rhyme or rhythym like i did in this. prefer slam poetry/freestyle... :) but thanks!

"please mind the gap" -Mr. Tuna

how's that?

Submitted by Mr. Tuna on Thu, 07/26/2012 - 2:24am.

soo, i have updated it and fixed a little bit of it. there was one part rows 7,8 and 9 that were difficult to word so that it flowed well but i think that's the best i could do for now. any ideas as to how you would word it to make it flow better? The ending also. the last line i changed up a little bit but it's really all about the wording to get just the right syllables so it flows well.

"please mind the gap" -Mr. Tuna

:)

Submitted by Mr. Tuna on Thu, 07/26/2012 - 2:30am.

i've been writing for years and this one is a bit cheesy for my kind of writing because i don't really like the rhyming poetry as much as most. and was kinda annoying to write because of the flow that i had to keep going and at the same time say everything i wanted to say...

"please mind the gap" -Mr. Tuna