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Esther: A Human Being
First, I should tell you this: Esther was a normal American teenager in the most blatant way possible.
1. She liked bacon.
2. She liked Reality TV.
3. She didn’t know the difference between England and Great Britain even though she was in high school.
4. She didn’t know what the hell was going on with her life and for this reason everything seemed to stay as still as a Southern afternoon. It was monotonous.
5. This was the greatest struggle she faced in the past 15 years of her life as she knew it (her family had enough money, she was well fed, went to a good school, got good grades, stayed out of drugs as much as possible, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.)
And yet, she didn’t know this as normality. She knew this as Esther. Esther the girl, Esther the girl with too many Beatles posters in her room, Esther the girl with too much to do, Esther the girl with not enough time and too many thoughts in her cluttered brain.
Her brain. Her brain used too many conjunctions. Too many Ands. Too many Buts (har har). Too many Ifs, Ors.
Or
IF
But
…And
Yes,
she was normal. But who are we to judge her on this? Okay, so at first glance (maybe even second glance) you couldn’t find a single feature to define her? Then define her on the fact that you couldn’t find a feature to define her?
No.
Bad idea.
That could hurt some feelings. Don’t want to cross that line.
She died you know,
died on a rainy summer morning.
Three Killed in Car Crash
(was the headline)
I didn’t read the article.
- 1893 of 1918
- jellybean98's blog
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What do you mean you don't
What do you mean you don't know what to do with it? You posted it here, and that was the right decision.
Seriously though, what you could do with it, in my opinion, is flesh out the ending just a little bit. Explain what the narrator's connection to her is. We know that she read the headline, but did she know her? How did she know so much about her, and not care to read the article? Did she actually know her, or was she just another of those who judged her off of what she did not know? I have this distinct feeling that there is one particular sentence missing from this piece--I don't know what that sentence is, but you should try to find it.
I love the tone of it, the tone of the descriptions and the overall motif. It has that conversational tone that flows from emotion to emotion so fluidly. Great work.
If you want to view paradise, simply look around, and you will. Anything you want to... do it. Want to change the world? There's nothing to it.
I do agree that there is
I do agree that there is something significant missing. I think it's towards the end, but I haven't figured out what it is just yet. I think I was thinking about how people would view me (myself?) if I died. Or how I don't even think about the people who died who I didn't know. Newspaper headlines telling of casualties or car accidents don't really phase me anymore, and I find that sad.
hmmm...
Indeed.... It seems as though there was a little confusion as to whether this was a person you never knew, or if you were exploring that other side, of what others would think if you yourself died. Unless you think that they are the same. Maybe you could fragment it and give the reactions of two different people. Maybe two characters that have similarities, but one knew this girl and one didn't? Just a thought.
If you want to view paradise, simply look around, and you will. Anything you want to... do it. Want to change the world? There's nothing to it.