Other Reads: Daily Reads | Recommended | Audio | Genres | Newspaper Submissions
red guitars on summer nights
you are dusty attics and blistering
red wood and organic
smells.
you are rainy days when the house
is
falling,
autumn nights when
leaves are
dancing;
summer afternoons in
chilly basements.
you are a
heartbreaker,
a lovemaker,
songs that fall into
staggered silences,
blisters on
worn-
out
fingers.
you are a dreamcatcher
that weaves good nights
into nets,
a fulfiller of
wishes.
you walk me to the past,
to the future,
push me to the edge of the
world,
catch me as I fall into
the
sky.
- 2962 of 6994
- Sambo's blog
- Login or register to post comments
You can almost smell and
You can almost smell and taste this... Earthy and powerful.
I don't know what you think about this, but I might consider adding some line breaks to this piece. I found myself glazing over parts, rereading because nothing was highlighted or set apart. I could still feel what you were saying, it was still beautiful, but the details became a bit of a wash.
Now, I could see why you might want to leave it the way it is, too. If you want that feeling of tied-together exhaustion, then leave it as is or add just... one break, maybe. But if you want to let your reader hold parts of this in their mind for a bit longer, consider breaking it up some. Up to you.
Either way, this is lovely.
Ͼirce
Circe...
I wondered about the same thing when I went back to edit this piece. Line breaks, for me, don't come as naturally as I'd like, but I think there are definitely a few places where I could add a few. I think it's more my hesitation that keeps me from going back and adding them.
Anyways, thank you so much!
§ambo
(Translucent Roses)