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Just Another Day Passing

Submitted by Muse on Tue, 09/04/2012 - 9:41pm

My kitchen is full of snow;

My bed is dripping wet, soggy, and soaked through.

Rain clouds hover just above my desk.

 

The mud that clogs the hallways,

Leaves behind a trail of shoes: wellies, trainers, sandals

The boots of people going places, going far

While I, well, I am here to stay.

The yard, now overgrown,

With green, brown, red, and blue,

My window faces trees

A golden against the sky

 

The colors vibrant against teh darkening veiw

Just another day that passes

But my feet have yet to wander

And as the sky darkens, I have to wonder, why?

 

The stream has turned orange,

The moss a bright blue,

One color melds into another,

And I find, that perhaps I have lost my shoes.

 

My feet are sunk deep,

In the ocean’s vast sands,

And my eyes have become heavy, very heavy.

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doug.demaio's picture

"While I, well, I am here to

Submitted by doug.demaio on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 4:14pm.

"While I, well, I am here to stay."  Awesome line.

If you want to view paradise, simply look around, and you will. Anything you want to... do it. Want to change the world? There's nothing to it.

 

cgmion1's picture

yeah all this is really

Submitted by cgmion1 on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 10:40pm.

yeah all this is really awesome. did someone leave the speaker or did someone die? i think it seems like someone left because of the shoe trails going places. awesome imagry though!

one line i think feels out of place is "And I find, that perhaps I have lost my shoes." just a little playful for the feel of the poem i thought you were going for. like maybe it could be stronger or maybe it's fine, up to you :)

I like that line

Submitted by crlavigne on Sun, 09/09/2012 - 9:24pm.

I think that line is particularly symbolic.  It connects back to the mess of footwear earlier on, while suggesting that the speaker has lost the ability to follow those who have left.  But I could be completely wrong.

cgmion1's picture

yeah i like the symbolism and

Submitted by cgmion1 on Mon, 09/10/2012 - 10:57pm.

yeah i like the symbolism and also it plays off the rest nice. i'm not saying scrap the idea i'm just saying mess with some word order or getting your point across in a way that might go along with the theme/ feel, maybe you'll like something else or just stick with that. or what do i know poetry is confussing and subjective