My heart feels swollen,
Like it’s filled with too much blood,
too much pain.
My insides are aching,
aching for love,
For lately I have lost so much love,
and have nothing to replace it with.
I lost love that was in the form of greens eyes and footballs,
I lost love that sang like an angel with flowing chocolate waves,
I can’t gain the love of the Indian boy I yearn for,
and I can’t express the love for a man with eyes that are filled with oceans and a mind which is wired similar to my own.
I am throbbing,
for I do not want to feel this love,
this lost love,
unexpressed, unwanted love,
this love that is not returned.
I want to crawl back inside myself,
into the dark caverns of my mind,
where no emotions,
no love can reach me,
and the darkness.
I hate the way my heart trembles,
how my eyes burn,
and my fingers shake.
I am being incinerated by the light,
and I can’t stand it anymore.
I need to hide,
to crawl away,
I can’t be here,
I don’t want to stay.
There’s no love for me here,
and everyone keeps slipping away.
This is why I never wanted to come out in the first place,
Why feel pain when I can just feel nothing at all?