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Those Buttermilk Braids
Wrote this in my incredible Creative Writing class...more scribbles yet to come.
I wished for a girl with buttermilk braids,
A squiggle of sunshine and mother’s pearl cream.
She was nesting in my secret window-box,
Nursing a rag doll of sunset silk.
I dreamed I fed her cornspun moonshine;
Her teeth were ice cube straight when she laughed.
I planned for a girl with buttermilk braids,
A tangle of stunning galaxy hearts and plain earthen souls.
She was gathered in my pencil-box,
Growing eyes like pools of solid lithium.
I aspired to clothe her in the lily-scented tides;
Her skin was carbon-clear as she laughed.
I set a snare for a girl with buttermilk braids,
A net of entrusted encounters and bejeweled bewitchments.
She was stretched inside my lighted cupboards,
Seeping gossamer gowns colored like twilight lilypads.
I begged her to still her frantic snow-bone struggles;
Her tears were cold oxygen cobalt when she died.
I remembered a girl with buttermilk braids,
The red phosphorus burn on the oak-and-cherry floor where she fell.
I enclosed her in a burnt-sparrow-feather coffin,
Sprinkling excess pine needles to float among the lilies.
I glimpsed that her hair had darkened in death, a shade;
Her blood-drops were dead rubies when I uncoiled the elderberry syrup formation.
Stone cold.
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Only a little bit creepy. It
Only a little bit creepy. It works. I think there is a lot of intricacy here that not a lot of people would pick up on, and even fewer would work into their own writing. I doubt I'm picking up on all of it. Begs to be read more than the mere 3 times I've read it so far. (That's a compliment...)
If you want to view paradise, simply look around, and you will. Anything you want to... do it. Want to change the world? There's nothing to it.
Whoa
All I have to say on this is that it has fantastic vocabluulary and wording. It's got so much and so many words but they are all fit together in a way that just... works. I guess. Way cool. And I love the little creepy aspect to it, like it's all butterflys and sunshine, then red blood and phosphorous. It gives it kind of an arcy feeling? Like in books the storyline arcs, starts, goes up, then down? I may be making no sense at all, but oh well. Fanstasic job!
"Even if it lands you in a straight jacket or a padded cell, play the game, but play it your own way."
Freaky...
But I love it!
If I give you my heart, will you promise to be careful with it?
I agree, there is just so
I agree, there is just so much here in so little. Every word has mountains of meaning. I love this. (:
"Love so much to give and too few to share it with wastes you away." --Oceansize