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Time = Pandemonium
Yesterday was crazy
As yesterdays can be
The past always gets hazy
And just tries to annoy me
Tomorrow will be hectic
As tomorrows tend to be
The future is eclectic
Anything could happen to me
Today is completely, totally nuts
As todays always seem to be
Time, I think, is one big klutz
But that might just be me
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This is a great idea. I
This is a great idea. I really like it. I think you could brush it up so that it reads more fluidly though. My advice, in short, is to count your syllables and keep them consistent. If you really want that lyrical quality, which it seems like you are going for, you want to have the same number of syllables in each corresponding line in the stanzas. In other words, the first line of each stanza should be the same, second line of each stanza etc. In the second stanza if you said "the future is eclectic" instead of "so eclectic" it would be the same number of syllables as "the past always gets hazy" and it flows more smoothly off the tongue because you have your rhythm and tone in your head already. I think the next line should be one syllable shorter as well--- maybe "anything could come to me" or "what thing could happen to me"
Excuse the length of the comment, I try to be brief but I really like the idea for this poem and I think you should keep with it and give it some more tender loving care, as all poems need from time to time.
If you want to view paradise, simply look around, and you will. Anything you want to... do it. Want to change the world? There's nothing to it.
very good!
My advice happytulip, is that you keep on writing cool deep stuff like this all of the time!
I'm not depressed but pinapples are.