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Time = Pandemonium

happytulip's picture

Yesterday was crazy

As yesterdays can be

The past always gets hazy

And just tries to annoy me

 

Tomorrow will be hectic

As tomorrows tend to be

The future is eclectic

Anything could happen to me

 

Today is completely, totally nuts

As todays always seem to be

Time, I think, is one big klutz

But that might just be me

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doug.demaio's picture

This is a great idea. I

This is a great idea. I really like it. I think you could brush it up so that it reads more fluidly though. My advice, in short, is to count your syllables and keep them consistent. If you really want that lyrical quality, which it seems like you are going for, you want to have the same number of syllables in each corresponding line in the stanzas. In other words, the first line of each stanza should be the same, second line of each stanza etc. In the second stanza if you said "the future is eclectic"  instead of "so eclectic" it would be the same number of syllables as "the past always gets hazy"  and it flows more smoothly off the tongue because you have your rhythm and tone in your head already. I think the next line should be one syllable shorter as well--- maybe "anything could come to me" or "what thing could happen to me" 

 

Excuse the length of the comment, I try to be brief but I really like the idea for this poem and I think you should keep with it and give it some more tender loving care, as all poems need from time to time.

 

TheDeppressedPineapple's picture

very good!

My advice happytulip, is that you keep on writing cool deep stuff like this all of the time!

 

I'm not depressed but pinapples are.