Ice Cold, Frozen

My body seems frozen. Ice running through my veins, my brain shut off. Nothing seems to be working inside me. What I saw will never go away from my mind. It’s trapped, the image, mocking me.  My thoughts are only of what I could have done. Why did I run; was it to flee fear?  The loud thump, thump, thump of my pulse interrupts my thoughts. My body gasping for air, legs tired from running, eyes dripping with tears. I should have stayed, helped or did I do the right thing. Should I turn back? No I cannot, it is too late now. What is the right thing, to stay risk my life or run of terror? Am I a horrible person because of my action? Or rather a person who sees danger and stays away; cautious one could say.  What can one do with an imprinted image circling the mind? An image that makes me shake with sadness and fear.  I cannot flea, nor defend myself. My physical actions cannot help me. My mind is in control; itself wanting to mock me. Why did I run; am I weak? If I stayed would I regret that as well?  I will always be reminded of this horrific event, of my actions. No matter how hard I try, my mind will win. How can I win; to return back? Maybe. One cannot defy an instinct from your ancestors; flea when in danger. What I believe I saw with my eyes, it cannot be true. My imagination could be creating this image, yet how could the intense memories of it all make sense. There are no gum drops and chocolate lakes, its hard ice surrounded by dessert. My mind consumed by this evil thought.  My conscious tries to assure me I have done right, protecting myself. However, my mind and body know that is wrong. Will I ever forgive myself, release this bad memory? The Image is reappearing again and again. No stopping it, taunting me forever. Maybe one day I will be able to release my memory, but the mind is so very powerful.  The mind is both good and evil.  And forever I will be an observer haunted by my actions of selfishness.

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