Your last goodbye

I've had some stuff on my heart for a while, and, though it hurts, I've got to let it go. So here it is, my little poem for a special friend of mine, whose memory I will always hold in my heart.

I turned my head to the sun.

I let my skin absorb the sweet sunlight.

I let my eyes behold its beauty.

You were a star on your stage,

little sun.

And I'm that guy who came to every show.

You danced and sang,

you laughed and joked.

You were special,

you were real.

And darling,

real is a dying art.

You taught me what I could never forget,

You're the reason why I am who I am today.

The reason why I have the crazy jumble of awesome in my mind is not me,

it was never me,

it was your beautiful heart that made mine grow.

I reached out for the sunlight you radiated,

the life you taught me,

I held onto them

as they became more important to me than you will ever know.

But somewhere along the line I took too much sunlight,

I took your lesons and smeared the name of them into the sewers,

somewhere along the line I became a chore for you.

Somewhere along the line talking to me became a pain.

And all I can do for you is say that I'm sorry in a poem that you'll never read.

All I can do is cry tears that you'll never know were shed.

Somewhere along the line

somewhere between the jokes and the insanity,

you left.

You knew that you had wanted to leave,

and were just working up the courage to do it.

Working up the courage to finally tell me,

"goodbye.

You're a nice guy.

And I used to enjoy talking to you.

But somewhere along the lines talking to you began to worry me,

the pressure of it was just to great.

So this is my goodbye,

from all of me,

and if our paths shall cross again in the future,

I shall not be displeased."

And now I'm here looking at the empty stage,

the lesson on how something doesn't need to be real to be real

(it really only makes sense when you teach it, darling).

Now I'm here swearing at myself for being so damn clingy,

for not giving you enough air to breathe,

for causing you stress.

And now I'm sitting here,

staring at the empty stage,

and wondering what more there was.

What you said made it seem

like maybe you weren't as fine as I'd like to believe.

You haven't been on a stage in a while,

though I think that you'll come back.

You,

darling,

were meant for the stage.

But maybe you didn't think that you were worthy,

maybe you hung up your crazy mind and put it to rest.

Maybe life was too much,

maybe a bullet solved everything.

Maybe your body is at the lowest part of the ocean right now,

and if it is,

darling, I hope you're smiling.

Frowns are not becoming of your pretty face.

I'm sorry!

All I can do is say that I'm sorry and scream it to the mountains,

praying that you'll hear me.

Praying that you can forgive me,

praying that this nightmare of a life without you can somehow change.

And I want to cry,

I want to cry and be done with it all so badly.

I just want to scream my apologies to the heavens

to see if anyone cares about them at all.

I just want to cry and wail.

But it's not that easy, is it?

It's not as easy as crying and letting the tears wash you away.

Because every time I think of you I feel my heart break in two,

over again,

and over again.

By now it's in so many pieces that it is a molecule's molecule,

and atom's atom.

And I wish that I could just cry,

because maybe then I'd feel better.

But,

darling,

losing you can't be solved by

just some water

and some salt

flowing down my face from my eyes.

I'm sorry.

This

is my last goodbye.

Though you'll never recieve it.

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